


The Center of Messier-110

by Ishxallxgood, stratumgermanitivum



Category: Adam (2009), Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, Spacedogs - Fandom
Genre: Adam inadvertently makes Nigel feel like a complete asshole, Adam insists he's not a child, Adam is a very difficult baby, Adam is having a terrible no good very bad day, Adam takes a bath, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Misunderstandings, Nigel is a pushover of a Daddy, Nigel just wants to take care of his boy, Nigel reads him a book, Nigel tries, Non-Sexual Ageplay, submissive Daddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-01-24 02:17:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21330628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishxallxgood/pseuds/Ishxallxgood, https://archiveofourown.org/users/stratumgermanitivum/pseuds/stratumgermanitivum
Summary: When Adam has a complete meltdown at work, they call Nigel in to collect him. Nigel, in his efforts to calm Adam down, accidentally falls down an ageplay rabbit hole.This is the fic where Nigel attempts to baby Adam, and well Adam, Adam insists that "he's not a child, Nigel."
Relationships: Nigel (Charlie Countryman)/Adam Raki
Comments: 39
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the thing. One of us is basically the Queen of Ageplay, the other, while she knows of it and is basically a massive child, isn't really into it per say, can you tell who's who?
> 
> Adam and Nigel's stance on ageplay reflects highly where we stand, although unlike Adam, I am 100% a child and have no problems admitting it.

The call came just after lunch. For a moment, Nigel stared at the wall, not entirely sure he was hearing correctly. "Yeah," he said slowly, "Yeah, I can come get him. I'm sorry about this."

_ "No, no, we understand. We like Adam, we just want him to feel better." _ Still, the woman sounded frazzled, and Nigel couldn't blame her.

Nigel himself had only seen a small handful of Adam's meltdowns, and never one of the really  _ big _ ones. Adam had warned him about those, warned him that sometimes when his stress got out of hand he couldn't entirely keep his cool. But there was losing your cool, and then there was having a temper tantrum, and Nigel was iffy on which had just been described to him. 

He was able to leave the club in Darko's capable hands, reaching the observatory within half an hour of receiving the call and heading in to find his wayward lover.

Adam had just managed to control his breathing when Nigel came barging in. Everything was wrong. He was in the wrong room, his sandwich at lunch had been wrong, his  _ data _ was wrong. Everything was just  _ WRONG,  _ and now Nigel was  _ here, _ at the observatory. Nigel wasn't supposed to be here, Nigel was supposed to be at the club, dealing with what he called 'bitch ass motherfuckers,' but Nigel was  _ here. _

Adam's eyes darted frantically around the room, trying to make sense of things, and when nothing made sense they finally settled on Nigel's shoulder. “Nigel?” he squeaked, shaking his head, wondering if he was seeing things. 

Nigel took a deep breath. He was trying not to show his frustration to Adam, not when Adam was only just recovering from an emotional upheaval, but he couldn't help feeling almost disappointed. "Your coworkers called me," he told Adam, "They said you weren't feeling well." Actually, they'd said that Adam had 'an incident' and threw his personal laptop across the room, but since they'd chalked that up to 'not feeling well,' Nigel would run with the excuse. "I'm here to take you home. Come on, gorgeous, grab your things."

Adam could feel the panic bubbling back up inside of him. They called Nigel. They called Nigel like they used to call his father. "No, no, no," he yelled, voice getting progressively louder before jolting out of his seat, hands flying up to his head. “No!” He screamed again, palms slapping against his temples, “dumb Adam, stupid Adam,  _ baby _ Adam!” He wanted to throw something again, but throwing things was what got him into this situation to begin with. 

"Woah, hey,  _ no _ ," Nigel grabbed for Adam, pulling him in close and pinning his arms against his sides. "We're definitely not doing  _ that _ . Take a deep breath for me, it's gonna be fine. We'll go home, and we'll talk about this, and it'll be fine, Adam." He pressed a kiss to Adam's forehead, taking a deep breath.

Adam shuddered against him. Attempting to take that breath, he felt like he was gasping for air. His lungs refused to cooperate. He took a few short aborted breaths and buried his face against Nigel’s shoulder, arms still twitching at his side. He wanted to keep hitting, but Nigel was holding him so tightly, and he found that he  _ liked _ it. “I can’t move.”

"Nope," Nigel agreed, bringing one hand up to card gently through Adam's hair. "And it's gonna stay that way until you can promise me you aren't going to hurt yourself when I let go. I can stand here all day, baby, got nothing else to do." Of course, he'd rather  _ not _ stand in some random office all day, but Nigel was used to making sacrifices for a lover. Anything at all to make sure they were safe and happy, whether they wanted him to or not.

“No, Nigel,” Adam mumbled into his shoulder, “you don’t understand. I can’t  _ move.” _

"Alright," Nigel said, concerned. "Another deep breath with me, okay? And we'll take this one step at a time. Breathing first. Once you're settled, the rest will come easily." The hand in Adam's hair trailed downwards, until Nigel could link their fingers together. "I've got you."

"Okay," Adam said, taking a shuddering breath. It wasn't as deep as he would have liked, probably not as deep as Nigel wanted, but it was  _ something. _ He kept trying. Inhaling and exhaling slowly against Nigel; breathing him in. The lingering smell of cigarettes tickled his nose, making him want to sneeze, but it was  _ Nigel. _ And the smell of Nigel always seemed to help calm him down, cigarettes and all. "I'm sorry, Nigel," he finally managed to say, hand squeezing Nigel's. "I think I'm okay now."

Nigel breathed slowly with him, trying to guide Adam into a more relaxed pattern. He tilted his head when Adam spoke, nuzzling against his temple. "Good," he murmured, stepping back. "Let's get your things and go home, baby. They put your laptop in a bag for you, so we can see if there's anything there to salvage."

Adam cringed at the mention of his laptop. "There's nothing left to salvage," Adam said shuffling after Nigel. "I mean there is, the laptop itself is destroyed, but the harddrive is most likely still intact. It takes a lot to destroy a harddrive. Usually a drill or an extremely strong magnet to scramble to data on it. Although salvaging the harddrive would do us no good as the data was on the servers and the servers got corrupted."

"Sounds like you had a rough day," Nigel sympathized. They grabbed Adam's things from the same sweet woman who had called Nigel, and Nigel herded Adam home, both of them quiet. 

Once they were in the apartment, however, Nigel couldn't help himself. "What happened today, Adam? They called me to tell me... Well, they were a lot more polite about it, but basically you threw a tantrum."

“I did not throw a tantrum!” Adam exclaimed, brows furrowed and arms crossed tightly across his chest, lest he start lashing out again, because he was  _ not _ throwing a tantrum. “I was just frustrated because the data was corrupted. Six months of work Nigel, six months. So I might have screamed and thrown the laptop across the room.”

"I can see how that would frustrate you," Nigel said in a patient voice that sounded horrifyingly like his mother, "But I'm pretty sure screaming and throwing your laptop across the room qualifies as a tantrum. I know you've got better coping skills than that, Adam, I've seen them."

"I-" Adam froze. He did throw a tantrum, and Nigel was right, he normally did have a better handle on his emotions. The panic was starting to bubble up again. "I… they-" Adam started furiously pacing the room, hands clenching and unclenching, fighting the urge to pull at his hair. "I- Jacob stuck an unscheduled tour group on me in the morning- and you know how much I hate those. And then I was so unprepared and-" he unclenched his hand again, slapping his palms roughly against his thighs. "They- they started calling me a retard and I tried, Nigel… I tried to finish the talk and ignore them but my mind was all a buzz when they left, and then Brian moved the meeting from ten to eleven because of the tour group-" 

"Woah, woah, okay!" Nigel grabbed for one of Adam's arms as he passed by, hauling him in close. He wrapped Adam up as tight as he could, arms pinned to his side, one of Nigel's hands in his hair, guiding his head to rest on Nigel's shoulder. "Okay," he said, a little softer, "I get it. Today was a really bad day. But you don't need to keep reliving it. Breathe with me, darling, I've got you." He found himself swaying, just slightly, back and forth in a subtle and smooth rhythm, doing his best to help Adam soothe himself.

Adam stiffened momentarily before relaxing into Nigel's embrace. It had never been this easy, to bring himself back down from an attack, but Nigel held him so tightly and rocked him  _ just _ the right way. He tried to match Nigel's breathing, nose tucked into the crook of Nigel's neck, inhaling his scent. He could feel the weight of Nigel's arms around him, the hand in his hair and the sound of Nigel's voice soothed him. Grounded him. Soon, everything that  _ wasn't _ Nigel slowly slipped from his mind and he found himself floating. 

"There we go," Nigel whispered. He moved slowly backwards, pulling Adam with him until he could drop down onto the couch, dragging Adam onto his lap. "It's alright," he whispered into Adam's hair, "it's gonna be alright. I've got you. Take as much time as you need to feel better."

Adam fell against Nigel, tucking himself against him. With Nigel permeating every single one of his senses, he found his mind surprisingly clear. All he could focus on was Nigel, and it was all he wanted to focus on. “I would like to stay like this forever.”

Nigel laughed quietly. He ran his fingers gently through Adam’s hair, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck. “I’ll hold you whenever you want to be held, gorgeous. All you have to do is ask.” He paused, thoughtful. “I can’t give you forever, but I can probably give you the week? Maybe you should take a few days off work, get your head clear.”

"A week?" Adam gasped, sitting up. "I can't take a week off, Nigel. We have deadlines! We were supposed to go live on the twenty-eighth and now we just lost six months of data!" Adam could feel the panic bubbling up inside of him again. They were never going to finish in time. He  _ can't _ miss work for a week. 

Nigel pulled him back down, rubbing soothing circles over his back. “You aren’t the only one working on the project, baby, you aren’t the only one who has to make decisions. You’ll figure out a new course of action together. Why don’t you call in and see if there’s a plan before we make any decisions about time off? At the very least, you’re home with me for the rest of today. We can take it easy.”

"No," Adam said, burying his face back into Nigel's neck. "I don't want to call work. I don't want to think about work right now. I just want you."

“Okay.” Carefully, Nigel shifted them both, giving himself a little more space between his back and the couch cushions. “We can deal with that later. We have plenty of time. Just relax.” He tried to pick up the rhythm he’d had when they were standing, awkwardly shifting back and forth in minute motions.

Adam shifted uncomfortably in Nigel's arms trying to relax into the strange movements of Nigel's body. "Nigel?" He finally asked, body tensing, "are you okay? You're moving erratically. Do you need to get up?"

Nigel stopped moving, a faint pink blush spreading across his cheeks. “I’m-“ He couldn’t just say  _ I’m rocking you _ , that was ridiculous, and not something you did to your adult partner. He didn’t really have a better answer, though. “I’m fine. I just thought... I was just trying to help you feel better.”

"Oh." Adam settled down against Nigel again. "I like the weight of you around me. It helps ground me. The movement is jarring though, so I would prefer it if you just stayed still."

“Oh.” Nigel let himself lean back into the couch cushions, tightening his grip on Adam. He couldn’t help a bit of embarrassment, but he was hardly going to complain about any chance to have Adam in his lap. They didn’t do this enough, just sit together, cuddled up close. “Feeling better now?”

Adam nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. It wasn't perfect, but it was slightly better than before. Nigel was solid against him, distracting him from the buzzing inside his head. "Did you know that Pluto's orbital path doesn't lie within the same plane as the rest of the planets but is inclined at a 17° angle? Also, because its path is elliptical, at times, its orbit brings it closer to the sun than Neptune?"

"Is that so?" Nigel asked with an amused smile. There was his boy, brilliant as he was beautiful. "It really was the odd one out of all the planets." He nuzzled into Adam's hair, hiding kisses there. "Did you manage to eat lunch, darling? I could make you some mac and cheese and you could tell me more about Pluto."

"I didn't eat. Brian moved our meeting from ten to eleven, and by the time I made it to the cafe they were out of turkey and cheese." Adam sighed. He was hungry. He could eat. "Mac and cheese would be nice, although I prefer heros for lunch."

Hell, after the day Adam had, and on an empty stomach to boot, Nigel might have thrown a tantrum too. "I can go get you a hero if you want it, but I don't really want to leave you alone right now." Not when Adam had been on the verge of panic since Nigel picked him up. And not when he looked so sweet and comfortable in Nigel's arms.

"You don't have to leave," Adam said straightening up to grab his phone. "Mike's subs delivers, and their turkey provolone is acceptable. Would you like anything? They have hot subs they call cheesesteaks. You might like those. I've tried one once at Carol's insistence that they were the best. The heat did things to the bread's texture that I hated, but you might like it."

What Nigel would have liked was to haul Adam back down, maybe lay out on the couch and squish Adam between his body and the couch cushions until he fell asleep. He was still reeling from the fact that Adam had melted down so badly that Nigel had needed to pick him up from work, but he couldn’t figure out how to bring the topic back up without upsetting Adam again. But they needed to talk about it before he went to work again. 

“Cheesesteak sounds great, darling. And then maybe once you’ve ordered you can lay down with me for a bit and we can talk until it gets here?”

"Okay," Adam said placing the order and then settled back down against Nigel. He was open to talking. Talking is good. Besides, Nigel had wanted to talk more about Pluto, and Adam liked Pluto, and its contribution to astronomy at large.

"Did you know that Pluto was demoted from a planet to a dwarf planet in 2005 because of the discovery of Eris? The International Astronomical Union, the IAU, didn't know how to classify Eris, as it wasn't quite large enough to be a planet and didn't exactly have its own orbit. Because of that, they needed to define what constitutes a planet. They ended up with three criteria which would define a planet. The. First being that it must be an object that independently orbits the sun, mean a moon couldn't be a planet because it orbits another planet, not the sun. The second being that it must have enough mass that its own gravity pulls it into a roughly spheroidal shape, and lastly, that it must 'cleared its neighbourhood' of smaller objects around its orbit. Pluto failed the last point and therefore was demoted as a planet." 

That hadn’t exactly been what Nigel had in mind. He loved to hear Adam talk about space, but if they didn’t talk about work now, inevitably it would never come up at all. “I remember that,” Nigel said, “Everyone got really upset about it.” Sighing, he attempted to change the subject. “Adam, darling, we need to talk about what happened today.”

"I already told you what happened today," Adam groused with a slight twitch to his nose, fingers tapping steadily against Nigel's chest. He didn't understand why Nigel was asking him about his day again. It was the first thing he had asked him, and well, Adam already told him. The data was corrupted. The data he spent the past six months collecting and analyzing. The data which was due for submission in a little over three weeks was corrupted. That and they sprung a tour group on him, and he had been called a retard. And Brian changed their meeting (because of the tour group) which made him miss lunch. What more did Nigel want him to say? "You said you would make me some mac and cheese, although I opted for a hero, and I could tell you more about Pluto. Am I only allowed to talk about Pluto if you make me mac and cheese?" 

"What?" Nigel asked, "No, of course not. You can talk about Pluto whenever you want." Rethinking that, Nigel hastily added "Except right this second. You can tell me all about Pluto in a little while, after we're done talking. Adam, what happened today can't happen again. It's not your fault when you get stressed and overwhelmed, it's not your fault you had a bad day, but you were throwing things. You destroyed your laptop. Your job had to have me pick you up like I was your dad getting you from school."

Adam tensed, pulling abruptly away from Nigel. His fingers tapping furiously against his thigh as he fought the urge to hit himself again. Nigel said he could talk about Pluto, but Nigel didn't want to talk about Pluto. Nigel wanted to talk about what happened at work, and Adam didn't know what to say. "I-" Adam, tried, his voice cracking over that one letter. 

The thing is he  _ knew _ it was wrong to throw things. That he probably shouldn't have thrown his laptop. He didn't know  _ why _ he did it, or rather he knew exactly why he did it. The data was corrupted. What else could he do? Of course destroying the laptop did nothing for him, the data was on the server. 

What did Nigel want him to say? Nigel was looking at him the way he father used to. With that expression he could never quite place. It wasn't anger, but it also wasn't joy. He was smiling, but it wasn't that smile that made his heart flutter and want to smile back. It just made his stomach twist into knots and want to scream. He didn't scream though. Screaming never went over well with his father, and since Nigel was making the same expression his father used to make, it probably wouldn't go over well with Nigel either. Adam bit his lips and closed his hands into fists. He had done something bad again. Bad Adam. Dumb Adam. Stupid, baby, Adam. Maybe those kids were right. Maybe he was a  _ retard. _

Adam could feel that scream bubbling inside of him. He squeezed his eyes shut and started rocking, a whimper escaping him as he closed himself into a ball. Dumb Adam. Dumb Adam. Dumb Adam. He wanted to hit. It made the voices go away. If only he could hit. 

Oh  _ fuck _ . Sometimes Nigel felt like he was failing Adam entirely. Like he should have herded Adam towards a more suitable lover the moment he found him. "Oh, baby," he whispered, reaching for Adam, "Baby, baby..." Nigel was at a loss for any other words as he pulled Adam back against his chest, unable to reach for anything but soothing sounds. They needed to talk about this. It wasn't optional. But he couldn't have Adam breaking down like this constantly, either. It wasn't healthy. It would wear Adam down entirely.

"I've got you," Nigel told him, resisting the urge to rock again, "I've got you, baby, you're here with me, you're safe. Nothing's going to happen to you. I've got you, I love you. It's alright."

Nigel wished he knew the right thing to say. His mother had always been so  _ good _ at things like this, but Nigel was an emotional disaster. Nigel barreled through things like a bull in a china shop. He kept trying, though, making the same soft hushing noises his mother had made when he was a child, rubbing Adam's back in gentle strokes up and down his spine.

Adam collapsed into Nigel, another whimper escaping him as he buried his face into his chest. Nigel was holding him again. Nigel wasn’t angry with him. Wasn’t upset,  _ disappointed. _ He let Nigel hold him, shuddering as Nigel ran his hand up and down his spine. He still wanted to scream, but Nigel’s arms were soothing. Nigel’s voice was soothing. It dulled the voices inside his head. “I… I…” he stammered between shuddering breaths, "I'm sorry, Nigel." 

Nigel hushed him again. Adam sounded like he was seconds from crying, and Nigel worried he wouldn’t be able to stop him if he started. “It’s alright,” he said again. “I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you, you know that, right?” Even if it meant driving up to get him from work in the middle of the day. “Let me take care of you, gorgeous. You’re alright.”

Adam nodded, burrowing closer into Nigel's warmth. Nigel made everything better and felt so good around him. Like the was being cocooned and weighed down;  _ protected.  _ Nigel said he was going to take care of him, and Adam was so tired. So incredibly worn out from the overload of emotions. "Nigel," he whispered, uncurling a little so he could properly tuck his head into the crook of Nigel's neck. He inhaled deeply again, breathing in  _ Nigel  _ and trying to match his breath with his. It didn't take long for his breathing to even out and before he knew it, he was slipping into unconsciousness.

Adam's breath was soft and slow against Nigel's throat. If he waited long enough, he could probably tilt Adam onto the couch for a proper nap without jolting him awake. He just needed to let Adam rest a little longer, to get him past that early sleepy stage and deep into genuine sleep. 

Just as Nigel was beginning to shift Adam to the side, the doorbell rang, loud and overly long. Nigel swore roughly under his breath.

Adam startled awake, dazed and slightly confused, but then his eyes focused on Nigel towering over him and glaring at the door. His head was still fuzzy with sleep and it took him a second to register what was happening. “Oh, the food,” Adam murmured, pushing himself up, to shuffle over to the door. 

Nigel gently nudged him back down. "I've got it," He said, "You lay down a little longer." 

Nigel was short with the delivery man, even though it wasn't his fault, but he made up for it by tipping well. He sat down on the couch with the bag, gesturing for Adam to climb back into his lap. "Come here, baby."

Adam happily climbed back into his lap, molding himself to Nigel again. It wasn't the best position to eat in, but Nigel was warm and solid beneath him and it made him feel safe and wanted. “Thank you, Nigel,” he said, taking the hero sandwich from him. He ate his extremely belated lunch in silence. He was mentally exhausted by the events of the day, and at the same time, his mind was screaming that his dinner schedule will now be off because he was eating lunch at two in the afternoon.

It was nearly impossible to eat a messy sandwich with Adam in his lap, so Nigel gave up in favor of looking after him a little longer. He pressed a kiss to Adam’s temple, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of his shampoo. Adam smelled like home. 

“What if we took a proper nap after this, hmm? Get you all tucked into bed and everything. No more disruptions. You seemed so tired.”

"What?" Adam exclaimed, "I can't sleep now. My whole day is already off schedule! It's two thirty in the afternoon, and I just ate lunch and am off work! Dinner is at six, I won't be hungry by six! And if I sleep now, how will I be able to sleep at ten!?" He could feel the panic starting the bubble back up inside of him. 

Adam jolted out of the couch, hands flying towards his head but he forced them to cross across his chest, gripping at his biceps. It was too much. He was supposed to be working on the code right now, but the code was corrupted, so he can't work on it. He wasn't even  _ at _ work. He was at home. With Nigel. And now Nigel wanted him to nap. 

Nigel was just messing things up all over the place today. He stood quickly, smoothing his hands up and down Adam's arms. "Hey, hey, it's alright. One step at a time. We'll eat something small for dinner, okay? Something small and light. And plenty of people manage to have naps and still sleep," he pointed out, "Especially if they're extremely stressed and their body is telling them they need the rest."

Adam once again found himself collapsing against Nigel. He unfolded his arms to cling to Nigel, burying his face against his neck again as his body shook. He didn’t know what to do anymore, all he wanted was to feel  _ normal _ again. This whole entire day had just been a series of too much and he just wanted it  _ over.  _ He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to ‘take a nap.’ He just wanted it to be  _ Tuesday. _ He wanted to be at work, analyzing data and making adjustments, under the shadow of the Hooker. “I’m not tired, Nigel,” he managed to choke out, in what sounded like a sob, “I just want-” His words were cut off as another sob escaped him, because he  _ can’t _ do what he wants. The data was corrupted, so even  _ if _ he was still at work, even  _ if _ he hadn’t destroyed his laptop, he  _ still _ wouldn’t be able to  _ work. _

It was almost funny, or it would have been, had Adam not been so clearly devastated. Nigel had never heard anyone say they weren't tired with such a clear amount of exhaustion in their voice before. Adam was practically dead on his feet, overwhelmed and stressed out. Nigel held Adam tightly, for a moment, completely unsure of what he should do. 

_ Fuck it, _ he decided, shifting his grip. "That's it. Up we go." Nigel hoisted Adam up into his arms, holding him tightly as he adjusted his balance. One arm under Adam's thighs, as best he could manage, and the other supporting his back, Nigel tilted back a little so that Adam would lean into him. He'd lifted Adam before, though never quite like this. Adam was not a heavy man, and Nigel was stronger than he looked. He was getting Adam in bed if he had to break his own back doing it.

Adam yelped, throwing his arms hastily around Nigel’s shoulders and wrapped his legs around his waist. Nigel was carrying him, the way one would carry a child, and in that moment, he found that he didn’t  _ hate _ it. In fact, it made him feel safe, secure. Like nothing can touch him now, because Nigel  _ had him. _ Adam let out another shuddering breath, rubbing his tear stained face against Nigel’s collar. 

Nigel took a deep breath, rubbing his hand in slow circles over Adam's back. "I've got you, darling. It's alright." He almost hated to move. He finally felt like he was doing something right, like he was soothing Adam instead of panicking him. But Adam needed rest. Nigel worked his way carefully down the hall, making sure to keep Adam tucked tight against him. Once finally in the bedroom, he hesitated. He wasn't sure laying Adam out wouldn't set off another spike of anxiety, so for the moment he stayed standing, gently swaying with Adam in his arms, waiting for his breathing to calm.

Adam can't remember the last time he was held like this. Probably when he was a child, a very, very long time ago, before his mother died. They've never done this before, but he knew Nigel was strong, trusted that he wouldn't drop him. Nigel liked to pick him up and toss him onto the bed like he weighed nothing. Nigel even lifted Darko once, carried him down the street and deposited him in his car, and Darko was bigger than him, bulkier. It was nice, and Adam found that he liked it, this feeling of security and weightlessness. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled into Nigel's neck and slumped against him. 

Soon, Nigel was going to have to put him down. Adam was not a child and he was only going to be able to do this for so long. But Adam was just so sweet, nuzzling up against him, letting Nigel hold him and care for him. Sweet and safe, and Nigel didn't want the moment to end. He rocked Adam for a few more moments, pressing kisses into his hair, breathing in the scent of his shampoo. Finally, before his back made him regret this, Nigel forced himself to take the last few steps to the bed, gently laying Adam out on the sheets.

Adam's face had relaxed, finally, the tension easing from him. He looked so much more content in sleep, and Nigel felt a flood of relief. He tucked Adam in and kissed his forehead before heading out into the hall. He could take the time to make things a little easier on Adam for the rest of the night, cleaning up the apartment and planning something Adam would eat for a light dinner. He also pulled out his own computer, hoping to find some more ways to help keep him calm and secure while his stress was still high.

An hour after settling Adam in for his nap, Nigel was a little overwhelmed by all he'd found. He couldn't leave Adam asleep much longer, though, or he really  _ would _ mess up his sleep schedule. Sighing, Nigel set his computer aside, heading back into the bedroom. Adam was still out cold, and Nigel hated to pull him out of it, but he guessed that was the downside of taking care of someone: sometimes you had to do things you didn't like. 

"Hey, sweetheart," he whispered softly, brushing Adam's hair away from his face. "Time to wake up, baby."

“Nigel?” Adam asked, slowly blinking awake. He was disoriented and slightly confused. The sun was shining through the bedroom window like it was mid-afternoon, but he was tucked in bed, warm and  _ comfortable. _ Pushing the blanket off, he sat up and turned to face Nigel. “Why am in bed?”

"You took a nap," Nigel said hesitantly, bracing himself mentally for the fallout. "Just a little one! I wouldn't let you sleep too late, I know how important your schedule is. But you really needed to pass out for a bit. Are you feeling any better?"

Adam wanted to protest. To be angry that Nigel made him take a nap when he had made it perfectly clear that he  _ didn't _ want to take a nap, but he was feeling better. His head was no longer screaming at him and he could think clearly. "Yes, Nigel," he said, shifting over so Nigel had to sit, "thank you for considering my schedule and waking me."

Nigel climbed into the bed with Adam, pulling him close to his side. "Told you I'd take care of you. You just have to trust me, gorgeous." He pressed a kiss to the top of Adam's head, considering. "I... I really like getting to take care of you," he said hesitantly, "I'd like to be able to do that more often."

"I don't understand," Adam said, turning to face Nigel, brows furrowing. "You always take care of me. You take care of the groceries and help with the cleaning. You were the one who figured out the best way for me to get to and from work. You help me understand what it means when people say crazy stuff."

All of this was true. All of this was very true, and it should have made it easier for Nigel to say what he was thinking, but it didn't. "I like that," he managed, "I like being able to help you like that. But I also liked... I liked holding you in my lap, and carrying you. Rocking you to sleep. Making sure you got a nap even though you didn't want one. The sort of things you usually do for... Well, it was the kind of thing my mom used to do for me."

Adam frowned. What Nigel was saying didn't make any sense at all. "But, I'm not a child, Nigel," Adam protested, "and you always hold me in your lap… and carry me. Maybe not across the apartment, but certainly from the door to the bed. I liked the carrying. We should do that more often. You don't need to rock me to sleep. I'm happy just being held, or falling asleep after mutual orgasms. I don't like the idea of you forcing me to do something I don't want to, like take a nap-"

"I'm not saying you're a child!" Nigel interrupted, a guilty flush on his face, "And I don't want to force you to do things that make you uncomfortable. I want this to make you feel good. Safe, even. And you did feel better, didn't you? When you let me put you to sleep and tuck you in? You don't have to be a child to... to enjoy some of the things children enjoy."

"You make me feel good, safe, Nigel. All the time. I don't understand why you want to treat me like a  _ child _ to make me feel  _ safe. _ And I didn't  _ let _ you put me to sleep. I-" Adam paused. He wasn't sure what happened. He most likely fell asleep while Nigel was holding him, it was the last thing he could remember. Feeling safe and secure in Nigel's arms. Held the way his mother used to hold him. "Oh," Adam said, slumping back down onto the bed. "I think I understand what you're trying to say."

Nigel shifted to lay on his side, reaching out his hand hesitantly. He rubbed gently at Adam's arm, then over his side, never able to let go of him once he'd started touching him. "It could be really nice," Nigel said softly, "If we did those things more often. Nothing you're uncomfortable with, I promise, but maybe we could try some things? And," he added with a joking smile, "I hear they make lots of space Lego sets. Kids love those things."

“They do. But not all the sets are for kids. The NASA Apollo Saturn V for example is rated at a fourteen plus,” Adam said relaxing into Nigel. “It is hardly a children’s toy. In fact it’s basically a fifteen millimeter figure scale of the actual rocket. It even boasts a removable S-IC first rocket stage with main rocket engine details, removable S-II second rocket stage with rocket engine details, removable S-IVB third rocket stage with the Apollo spacecraft and rescue rocket at top of the whole spacecraft, plus 3 stands to display the model horizontally. Not to mention the NASA Apollo 11 Lunar Landing. That model is rated even higher at sixteen plus, due to the fact that it is a highly detailed replica of the Eagle lunar lander complete with separate ascent and descent stages. I am open to trying new things with you though, Nigel, as you are normally very respectful of my boundaries and especially if they involve you getting me the Saturn V and Apollo 11 Lunar Lander Lego sets.”

Nigel pulled Adam a little bit closer, smiling at his ramble. He loved listening to Adam get excited about things, and the way Adam lit up when he spoke always got to him. "Well, all the more reason for them to be good gifts for you, then, since we'd only be pretending and you aren't a real child. And if you'll let me try some things, I'll get you as many sets as you want." Hell, he'd get them for Adam anyway, because he loved Adam and loved making him happy. He'd just be a little more excited about it if he got to coddle Adam for a little first. He had a list of things he wanted to try, although he wasn't sure how to approach them with Adam. He was fairly certain giving Adam a bath instead of his usual shower would be vetoed, given how much longer a bath would take. "Does this mean you'll let me hold you a bit before bed tonight?"

Nigel was doing that thing again. That thing where everything he said didn't make any sense to Adam. "I don't understand," Adam said, rolling over so he could properly sprawl out over Nigel. "You hold me every night before bed. It was different at first, as I've slept alone for most of my life, and Beth preferred to be held and was smaller than me, but it was never unwelcome. I like the feel of you pressed against me, your arms caging me in. It makes me feel safe and protected, and I would be very upset if you  _ didn't _ hold me before bed, Nigel."

Nigel groaned, pulling Adam close and hiding his face in his hair. Adam was going to make Nigel spell things out for him, and while he normally adored his darling's straight-forward, blunt approach to conversation, it was embarrassing now. "Don't worry about it," Nigel told him. "I'm always going to hold you, Adam, I promise. But I just... I'll explain it some other time. Right now, why don't you tell me more about Pluto? I cut you off earlier."

"Oh, okay," Adam said nuzzling against Nigel's chest before propping his chin up on Nigel's shoulder. "Due to the elliptical nature of Pluto's orbit, the characteristics of its atmosphere changes depending on its distance to the sun. When Pluto's orbit brings it closer to the sun, the ice on its surface warms slightly and sublime, that is 'evaporate' from solid to gas, to form a thin, mostly nitrogen atmosphere. As it moves away from the Sun again, the gases cool and refreeze and the atmosphere may even vanish as Pluto moves even farther from the Sun."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes bribery goes a long way to get you what you want. Then again, who _wouldn't_ want to build the Lunar Lander out of Legos?
> 
> Nigel actually attempts a scene and attempts to express what it is he wants. Adam is... Well Adam. 😆

Nigel had a plan. It was not a very good plan, but it was certainly a plan. 

It was a Saturday, not long after his first attempt at explaining things to Adam. Nigel had done some more research since then, discovering things he wanted to try, and things he never wanted to think about again. In a Venn Diagram, the circle labeled 'things Adam would never let him do' overlapped both of those. Severely. Possibly entirely. 

But Nigel hadn't given up. Not yet. He was merely regrouping, gathering his thoughts. 

"Adam," he said, sometime mid morning, while he and Adam were curled up on the couch watching TV. It was Adam's turn to pick, so Nigel hoped he would already be in a good mood. "Remember when we talked about me taking care of you? A bit more than usual? I was hoping we could try some of that today."

Adam lifted his head off Nigel's shoulder, pulling his eyes away from Cosmos long enough to trace the lines of his mouth. "You mean wanting to coddle me like a child? Hold me and buy me Legos? Yes, I remember, Nigel. Did you want to do that? I'm not averse to building a replica of the Saturn V."

Nigel laughed quietly. "Well, it's not the Saturn V, but I did buy you a present." He was pretty sure this counted as bribery, but Adam had seemed more excited by the thought of Legos than by Nigel taking care of him. "Do you want it now, or do you want to finish your show first?"

Shifting his eyes back toward the TV, Adam contemplated Nigel's question. He wasn't sure if he wanted to finish his show first. They were watching episode six,  _ Deeper, Deeper, Deeper Still _ . It wasn't one of his  _ favorites _ but he liked it well enough. They haven't reached the part about SN 1987A yet, so Adam wouldn't  _ mind _ turning it off, but it would depend on what Nigel had for him. "What did you get me?"

Adam was, in some ways, entirely predictable. Nigel shifted on the couch, tugging Adam fully into his lap. "Oh no, darling, that's not how this works. You can have the present now, or you can watch your show and have it after."

"Oh, okay," Adam said settling back down against Nigel. "I'll finish my show then since I know I enjoy this episode and there is no guarantee that I will enjoy what you got me."

Nigel hid a smile in Adam's curls. "Alright, sweetheart." He'd hoped the idea of a present would catch Adam's interest, but he wasn't entirely surprised that it hadn't. This was not the first time that Nigel had seen something be outranked by Cosmos. 

Nigel was patient for the rest of the episode, but once the credits rolled he tipped Adam far enough in his lap to kiss his cheek. "Alright, baby, sit here patiently while I go get your present." 

"Where else would I go?" Adam asked with a furrow in his brow. 

Nigel nudged him off his lap and onto the floor in front of the coffee table, fetching the wrapped box from the hall closet and placed it on the table in front of him.

Adam eyed the package suspiciously, fingers tapping steadily against the coffee table. Nigel had said it wasn't the Saturn V, but from what he could tell (the slight indents of the side of the box), it was certainly a Lego set. "Can I open it?"

Nigel settled down next to him, dragging Adam back into his lap. It was a little more awkward while seated on the floor, but he would be damned if he was going to give up a chance to cuddle. "Of course you can open it, baby. Go ahead. You'll like it, I promise."

Grabbing the box, Adam carefully picked at the tape, breaking the seal at the edges to unravel the paper without tearing it. He let out a small gasp, a smile spreading wide across his face as he unveiled the Apollo 11 Lunar Lander. "Oh Nigel," he said, bouncing excitedly in Nigel's lap as he turned the box to the side so he could break the official seals. "Are you going to build this with me?" 

Nigel grinned. He'd known Adam would like the gift, but he'd had no idea that he would be this happy about it. He was practically childlike in his glee, exactly the kind of relaxed excitement Nigel had wanted for him. "Yeah, baby, it's a project for us to do together." He wrapped his arms low around Adam's belly, tucking his face into Adam's shoulder and sighing happily. He felt good for having gotten something right. Maybe this was just  _ Nigel's _ weird thing, but there were parts Adam could enjoy, too.

Adam enthusiastically emptied the box onto the table, setting aside the first bag as he picked up the hundred page instruction manual. “Look at this, Nigel,” he said lifting the manual so Nigel could see, Lego pieces forgotten for the moment. “It’s the Saturn V, which I still want by the way. Not that this set isn’t just as exciting, because it is. Did you know that the Apollo 11 Lunar Lander, which as dubbed Eagle, was the first crewed vehicle to land anywhere beyond the Earth. What’s exciting about this model is that not only is it a highly detailed version of the two stages of the spacecraft, but we also get to create a depiction of the lunar surface to include a crater and the footprints. Although that is the easy part. Oh, look how exciting,” Adam said, flipping to the page detailing the replica lander, “it even has quadrant two, which housed the early Apollo scientific experiments package.”

Nigel was a little surprised as he watched Adam sort through things. There were more parts than he’d been expecting, four distinct bags of them. It seemed like a lot of parts for the simple looking thing that had been on the front of the box. Half of the build looked like it had been made of larger, smooth pieces, but a lot of what Nigel was looking at was small. 

Still, Adam seemed happy, guiding Nigel through everything he knew about the Lunar Lander. Nigel hadn’t known much about it at all, but he always tried to remember whatever Adam told him. He made sure to pay close attention, so that he could talk with Adam about this in the future. 

Almost an hour later, Adam was applying the sticker to the flag and snapping it into the hand of the astronaut minifigure. "Hey look, it's Neil Armstrong," Adam said with a giggle, placing the minifigure on the lunar surface. " _ That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind _ ," Adam said in an exaggerated voice, making the minifigure plant the flag onto the lunar surface. He turned back toward Nigel, beaming. "Now that the easy part is finished, we can get started on the hard part."

Nigel had been losing his mind a bit over the past hour. It had taken forever to get through the first of four bags, and all they’d managed so far was the surface of the moon and a few tiny craters. He’d been working up the courage to suggest they take a break, when Adam had to go and be so damn  _ cute.  _ Nigel planted a kiss on Adam’s cheek, sighing. “What if we took a lunch break, darling? Stood up and stretched a bit.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know how long the ‘hard’ part was going to take them.

Adam glanced forlornly at the remaining three bags, but lunch. Yes, lunch was a good idea, as it was about lunch time, and he wasn't sure how long the rest of the model would take. "Okay," Adam agreed, placing the instruction manual next to the unopened bags before coming to a stand. His legs tingled slightly from sitting cross-legged for so long, and he offered Nigel a hand and an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I sat on you for so long, your legs must be numb."

Nigel’s legs  _ were _ a bit shaky as he struggled to his feet, but it had been entirely worth it, in his opinion. He dragged Adam into a hug, shaking his head. “Nah, I’m fine. You’re not very heavy.” Pushing his luck a bit, he offered, “Why don’t you let me make some lunch, and you can sit on the couch and watch some more of your show? I’ll come get you when it’s ready. Do you want some leftover soup, or a sandwich?”

"Sandwich," Adam said, dragging himself away from Nigel's arms to sit down on the couch, "you know I don't like soup." 

Nigel pressed a kiss to Adam’s forehead. “Right, right, don’t know what I was thinking. Be right back, baby.”

Adam fiddled with the remote, eyeing the unopened bags of Legos. He really wanted to start on the descent stage, but he knew it would probably take at least another hour, if not two hours, and it  _ was  _ lunchtime. If he started it now, he wouldn't want to stop, and Nigel seemed hungry. 

In truth, Nigel hadn’t been expecting much of anything. Sure, he had an idealized image in his head of what he wanted, but very little idea of how to ask for any of it, or how to make it happen if he did. He made up a sandwich the way Adam liked it, cutting off the crusts on a whim that Adam was probably going to make a deal about, but which settled Nigel’s ridiculous mood just a little bit. He set the plate out on the coffee table, settling himself down alongside with his own sandwich. “There you go, darling.”

"Thank you," Adam said taking the sandwich from Nigel. "Was there something wrong with the crust?"

“No,” Nigel said evasively. Personally, he thought he’d been very restrained by also  _ not  _ cutting the sandwich into little triangles. Or holding the damn thing up to Adam’s mouth himself. “Eat your lunch.”

"But, you cut the crust off, if there was nothing wrong with it, why did you do that?" Adam asked, continuing to eye the sandwich suspiciously. "Did the crust offend you?"

Nigel choked on a bite of his own sandwich. “Did it- No it didn’t  _ offend- _ ” Nigel sighed, tucking his face into his hands for a minute. He really,  _ really _ had to just sit Adam down and detail  _ exactly _ what it was he wanted. In graphic sentences, down to the very last thing. But that was  _ hard _ and  _ embarrassing _ and couldn’t they just-

Adam was never going to eat the damn sandwich if Nigel didn’t put his own issues aside and reassure him. Gently picking up the sandwich, Nigel held it up to his mouth. “Baby, I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t feed you something if I thought something was wrong with it. Here, just take a bite.”

Resigning himself to Nigel's whims, Adam leaned forward and took a bite. It was just a sandwich, a regular turkey and cheese, with lettuce and tomato and no mayo and the crusts cut off. Adam never really had any real opinion about the crust. It didn't normally detract nor enhance his normal sandwich experience (unless it was a hero, then he had opinions about  _ that _ crust because some places made it too crumbly and he  _ hated _ that). "Thank you, Nigel," he said taking the sandwich back from Nigel to eat himself, "I still don't understand why you decided to remove about two and a half percent of the sandwich, but I appreciate the rest of the sandwich."

Nigel was only partially listening. He was staring at his hands, feeling vaguely ridiculous, but also slightly warm. It was a silly thing to do, and even more silly to feel so strongly about, but Nigel couldn’t help himself. He busied himself with his own sandwich, face pink. “It just seemed like the thing to do,” he finally admitted. “I wanted… I don’t really know how to explain the things I want, Adam.”

"It's alright," Adam said, around a bite full of sandwich, "I understand how sometimes it's hard to explain the things you want. Take your time, I'm not going anywhere."

Nigel pulled his knees up to his chest, frowning pensively down at his jeans. He had the somewhat childish thought that if he explained any of this to Adam, Adam wasn’t going to think he was ‘cool’ anymore. But then, it was both possible and  _ likely _ that Adam didn’t think he was ‘cool’ to begin with, cool being an adjective reserved mostly for black holes and satellites. 

“So I was on the internet,” Nigel began, and immediately felt like an idiot. Nothing good ever came out of stories that started with ‘so I was on the internet.’ “I wanted to take care of you. You were so upset, and I just wanted to make you feel better, so I was doing some research, and… Well… Have you ever heard of ageplay?”

“Yes I’ve heard of ageplay. I figured it was what you were aiming for when you insisted on coddling me and buying me Legos. I already told you the other day, I’m open to trying new things with you as I trust you to respect my boundaries. Oh!” Adam suddenly exclaimed, setting down his half eaten sandwich. “Is that what you were aiming for with the crusts?”

Somehow, it was worse that Adam immediately understood what he was talking about. It made Nigel feel awkward about having held on to it for so long. But it was also more than a little bit of a relief. 

“Yes,” Nigel said, nodding, “That was exactly what I was aiming for. I thought maybe it could help us both relax a bit into the headspace. Make you feel like a kid.”

Adam frowned, half glaring at his uneaten sandwich. “I don’t  _ want _ to feel like a kid, Nigel. I’m an adult.” Although, what he  _ really _ wanted right now was to finish his Lunar Lander model, not that it was a kid activity, because it was  _ not.  _ The set was rated  _ expert _ and had an age rating 16+, hardly something fit for a  _ child. _

That had been exactly what Nigel was afraid of. “I think you would like it,” he said, “I think it would be a lot more fun and a lot more relaxing than you think it would be. And it wouldn’t make you any less of an adult, at the end of the day. It would just be a game, just a few hours of pretend, once in a while. But,” he added, reaching out to place his palm on Adam’s knee, “I don’t want you to do anything that’s going to make you uncomfortable. I’d rather not have this at all than have this and you hate it.”

Adam wanted to say that it would be fine. That he was willing to play pretend for a couple of hours just to appease Nigel. He wasn’t though. He didn’t know if he  _ could _ just pretend for a couple of hours. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Nigel, he trusted Nigel completely. He knew Nigel would  _ never _ do anything that would make him uncomfortable, but this was something Nigel  _ wanted _ and Adam, well Adam didn’t want to disappoint him. “I don’t know.” Adam could feel the uncomfortable twist of panic threatening to uncoil in his stomach, and he quickly grabbed his sandwich and shoved half of it into his mouth to avoid talking about this anymore. 

Nigel watched Adam with a worried expression. He knew him by now, well enough to find traces of stress when they fell over him like a shroud. He pulled away, giving Adam his space. “There’s no wrong answer,” he said quietly, “I’m not going to be disappointed in you, Adam.” He  _ would _ be disappointed, but not in  _ Adam _ . Never in Adam. And he would get over it. There was nothing more important to him than Adam, then this thing they had together.

“I don’t know what you expect from me,” Adam said, swallowing the bite. “I don’t think I can  _ act _ like a child for you, but if what you want is to coddle me, and build Lego sets with me, and to cut the crusts off my sandwiches, I can do those things for you.”

“I want those things,” Nigel agreed. “Among others. I’d like to read to you. I’d like to give you a bath. I-” Nigel stumbled over thoughts of bottles and sippy cups and pacifiers, remembered Adam’s uncomfortable stiffness, and decided those were a conversation for another day. “I want to buy you gifts,” he said instead, “Treats and toys. Hold you in my lap and get you to play. Little things like that.”

"Like I said, Nigel, I'm open to all those things. I just can’t promise that I will have to reaction you want.” Adam sighed, moving the plate before tugging Nigel onto the floor and settling back onto his lap. “You can hold me while I put together the descent stage.” 

Nigel took the opportunity he’d been given, wrapping his arms tight around Adam’s waist. “I always want to hold you,” he promised, “Whether you’re indulging my weird interests or not.” He kissed Adam’s temple, then rested his chin over Adam’s shoulder. “This part looks harder than the last one. But at least it’s more interesting.”

“Nigel, isn’t this exciting?” Adam asked, fitting a series of tiny pieces together to create the base of the four quadrants. “I’m building the four quadrants of the descent stage,” he whispered reverently, hyper focused on the hundreds of loose Lego pieces, all waiting to be slotted into place. He was giddy with excitement, bouncing happily with every section that was snapped into place. “Oh Nigel, look! It’s the oxidizer and fuel tanks!”

It was not at all exciting for Nigel, just a series of impossibly tiny blocks fitting together in way-too-many steps. What  _ was _ exciting was the look on Adam’s face, his awed, almost overwhelmed expression, his childish bouncing in Nigel’s lap. He fawned over the model as though Nigel had gotten him the  _ actual _ lunar lander, and Nigel felt a pleased, smug pride take over him. He’d done  _ something _ right, and as much as Adam claimed he didn’t know if he could give Nigel what he wanted, he was perfect right now. His child-like demeanor was entirely accidental, but endearing all the same. 

“I see that, baby,” Nigel said, watching Adam click everything together. It all looked incredibly similar to him, but it apparently made sense to Adam. “Is it time for another break, yet?” Nigel’s legs were falling asleep, and he was pretty sure they’d been working on this thing for at  _ least _ another hour at this point.

“Oh no, not yet,” Adam protested, sorting out the pieces he would need for the next section. “We’re right about to start on the quadrants! Quadrants one and three are going to be identical, at least in this set, in the actual Eagle, they housed different components. Quadrant one housed an errectable antenna along with battery stowage, while quadrant three contained the descent engine electronics. By Apollo 15, the third quadrant housed the pallet assembly that housed two pallets, one containing a Lunar Roving Vehicle and another holding the Lunar Retro-Ranging Reflector. But if you need a break, I can get off of you, I know it can be pretty uncomfortable with me in your lap of a little over an hour. Your legs are probably numb again.”

Just because it was true, didn’t mean Nigel wanted to  _ stop _ . He pressed a kiss to Adam’s shoulder, shaking his head. It couldn’t be  _ that  _ much longer, right? It was just a Lego set! Besides, maybe he could get Adam to take a few minutes once this part was done. “It’s alright, baby, you can keep going for a little bit. Now, these vehicles I’ve heard of. They’re still up there, right?”

“Oh yes,” Adam said nodding enthusiastically as he worked diligently on putting together the different quadrants. “There are actually three of them up there. They have a top speed of thirteen kilometer per hour and were driven about thirty kilometers without incident. Boeing actually won the bid in October of 1969, three months after the first Lunar landing."

Nigel loved that Adam could do this, just rattle off a thousand different facts, no hesitation, no pause to double check. He was so goddamn smart, it made Nigel ache with how much he loved him. 

There was also the literal ache, though. After forty more minutes of Lego, Nigel had a headache, and a mounting pain in his legs. “Okay,” he said, once Adam had clicked the last piece from this bag into place, “I think that’s enough Lego for now.”

"Okay," Adam said, letting Nigel move him off his legs, staring forlornly at the sheet of stickers he still needed to affix to the outside of the lander. "Did you have fun, Nigel? Was this what you wanted?"

Nigel stretched his legs out, working feeling back into them. He wouldn’t say  _ fun _ , exactly, but… Adam, bouncing happily in his lap, babbling and eagerly playing with a toy Nigel had bought him? “This was  _ exactly _ what I wanted, baby.” He leaned in, stealing a kiss and then dragging Adam in for a hug. “Thank you for trying for me.”

Adam collapsed into the hug, wrapping his arms around Nigel’s neck to pull him closer, angling his head for another kiss. He was happy to have done this for Nigel, even though he wasn’t exactly sure what it was he had done. All he did was build the Lunar Lander, well part of it. It wasn’t anything  _ special _ and certainly not anything  _ childish, _ but it made Nigel happy, so it made him happy. “So now that we’re done pretending I’m a child, can we go be adults and you can hold me while you fuck me?”

Nigel laughed, pulling Adam back into his lap, hands framing his hips.”Yeah, gorgeous, whatever you like. Anything you want.” He kissed him, slow and sweet, and held him as close as he could.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam could tell from the moment Nigel came home that something was  _ off. _ What, he wasn’t exactly sure, but Nigel was tense, and snappy, and didn’t greet him with a smile and a ‘ _ Hello, gorgeous.’ _ So Adam  _ knew _ something was wrong and it was up to  _ him _ to fix it. Adam was sure he could do it. As Nigel always managed to 'fix' him when he was feeling off, it only stood to reason that Adam could conversely return the favor.

"Nigel?" Adam asked apprehensively, fingers tapping steadily against his thigh. He wasn't sure what he could do, but he was sure of  _ one _ thing, there was nothing that made Nigel happier than being able to 'take care' of him. "Do you think you can hold me right now? You know, like on your lap, stroke my hair maybe?"

Nigel had a  _ shit _ day. It just seemed to go on and on, too, the sort of day that was never going to end. Deals falling through, threats from business rivals. Darko refusing to  _ shut the fuck up.  _ Just a terrible day. The only thing he wanted was a fucking cigarette, but he was trying to quit, so instead he sat on the couch and glared daggers at a book he wasn’t actually going to read. 

And then there was Adam. Sweet Adam, looking so nervous, and  _ asking _ him. Nigel stared at him, not entirely sure he’d heard him correctly. “Uh… Yeah, yeah darling, of course.” He straightened up a bit, patting his lap. “Come here, I’ve got you.”

With a smile, Adam draped himself over Nigel's lap, tucking his face against Nigel's neck so he could stroke his hair. This was probably his favorite of the 'ageplay' activities, although he still refused to think of it as such. It was just Nigel holding him and soothing him. Maybe coddling him a  _ little, _ but it made Nigel feel happy and  _ needed _ , and it made Adam feel safe and secure, so he liked it. "Do you feel better? Do you need more?"

“Do  _ I  _ feel better?” Nigel asked, confused. His hand stilled in Adam’s hair, but only for a moment. It was too tempting, with Adam’s face tucked into his neck like this. 

He’d thought something had happened to  _ Adam _ , but he realized with a faint flush of embarrassment that this had been for  _ him,  _ instead. His anger must have been palpable. “I do feel better, baby, thank you. I’m sorry if I upset you.” Nigel kissed the top of Adam’s head, holding him just a bit tighter. “I… I would really like to do this for a bit, if you’re comfortable.”

"I'm not upset, Nigel, and quite comfortable," Adam said burrowing deeper into Nigel. He was far from uncomfortable, as being in Nigel's arms  _ always  _ brought him comfort. "I just wanted to help you, like you help me when I'm having a bad day. I'm glad you're feeling better."

“You helped me a lot,” Nigel assured him. He fell quiet for a bit, just holding onto Adam, humming a half-remembered lullabye from his youth. Adam wouldn’t have understood the words, and Nigel couldn’t remember them anyway. After a while, he pressed another kiss against Adam’s curls. “Baby,” he said, “Can I try something new tonight? I’d love to be able to give you a bath before bed. I know you have your shower routine, but I bought you a surprise for the tub.”

Adam nodded, resigning himself to Nigel's whims for the night. Nothing bad had ever happened by following Nigel's lead, and he was willing to see where this would go. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he took a bath, and doesn’t see the appeal in one, but Nigel was excited, and even bought him something. If it was anything like the last thing Nigel bought him, he was confident that he would like it. "Okay, I trust you Nigel."

“Thank you, baby,” Nigel said, squeezing him a bit tighter. “Alright. Dinner first. You can sit on my lap still, if you want, but it might make it harder to eat your mac and cheese.” Of course, Adam could always let Nigel feed him, but Nigel thought he probably shouldn’t push his luck. Especially since he wanted to try and convince Adam to let Nigel read to him before bed. 

Dinner, a bath, some cuddles on the couch while watching Adam’s favorite shows, and then a story. Or a scientific journal, which was more likely. Nigel was determined to make it a nice, relaxing evening for Adam, and in turn, relax a bit more himself. 

“Whatever you want, Nigel,” Adam said, even though he loathed the idea of eating dinner while seated on Nigel’s lap. It was a terrible idea. One that got in the way of actually eating dinner, but it was what Nigel wanted, and Adam had already accepted that he would do whatever Nigel wanted tonight to make him feel better. 

“I’m already getting what I want,” Nigel reminded him, “You’re letting me try something new. We don’t have to jump headfirst into everything at once.” Besides, he couldn’t put into words  _ just _ how nauseating it would be to do this if Adam didn’t like it. He’d gotten lucky with the Legos and the cuddling, and he was hoping the bath bomb would win Adam over too, but Nigel was willing to take what he could get and be grateful for it. He shifted Adam off his lap and onto the couch, stretching as he stood. He kind of wanted to stay like that for another hour or so, but Adam was unlikely to be thrilled at having his dinner shifted off schedule that far, no matter how much he liked having Nigel pet his hair. 

Dinner was easy to make. Nigel dished it out onto two plates, setting them out on the table and then forcing himself to sit in a chair by himself instead of doing something ridiculous like dragging Adam down with him. 

Adam stared at the two plates. Nigel had set them in their usual places and then took a seat. Adam frowned, torn, unsure if he should ask, but Nigel would just tell him again to do what  _ he  _ wanted. What  _ he _ wanted was to make Nigel happy. Deciding, Adam took a deep breath and approached Nigel, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder. "I want to sit in your lap."

Nigel stared at him. It seemed, ultimately, too good to be true. And probably  _ was _ , Adam was no doubt going to hate it. But Nigel couldn’t make himself turn him down, not when he was getting everything he could possibly want. He was going to owe Adam  _ big _ for this, he was going to have to buy that other Lego set and let Adam put it together in one go. And it would be  _ worth it. _

It wasn’t going to work  _ here _ , though, in their small kitchen chairs. Not without Adam falling over. They were too close in size. “Follow me,” Nigel said, grabbing the plates up again and carrying them out into the living room. He set them down on the coffee table, taking a seat on the floor and then patting his thigh. “Come here, baby.”

Following Nigel to the living room, Adam was sorely regretting his decision. It was one thing to eat dinner in Nigel's lap  _ at the dinner table _ , but it was an entirely _ different _ thing to eat dinner  _ on the floor _ in the  _ living room. _ But, he had told Nigel he wanted to sit in his lap, and had therefore committed to this insanity. Reluctantly, he lowered himself onto Nigel's lap and tried  _ not  _ to think about how he was eating dinner in the living room, seated on the floor in Nigel's lap. He could do this. If he could talk to a group of twenty some-odd people about the Hooker Telescope, he can eat dinner while seated in his husband's lap.

Nigel held Adam close, resting his chin on Adam’s shoulder, eyes closed and just enjoying the moment. Honestly, regardless of his newfound quirky interests, he was  _ always _ going to love this. 

It did, however, present a problem. There wasn’t really a neat and tidy way to get food to his own mouth with Adam taking up so much space between Nigel and the coffee table. And Adam would no doubt be upset if Nigel accidentally poured mac and cheese all over him. He settled for watching Adam eat, feeling slightly more creepy than parental, but enjoying it nonetheless.

Halfway through his dinner Adam frowned. Not at the awkward position they were in (because it was every bit as uncomfortable eating in Nigel's lap as he had imagined), but because Nigel had not touched his dinner. "Nigel?" Adam asked, twisting so he could turn towards him. "You're not eating your dinner."

“I’ll have some in a bit,” Nigel assured him, “I’m just enjoying holding you right now.” It was not entirely a lie, but Nigel  _ was _ pretty hungry. “Here, don’t worry. Have another bite.” Without thinking, Nigel took Adam’s fork from him, scooping up another bite and holding it up to Adam’s mouth. 

Adam bristled, glaring indignantly at the fork before leaning forward to take the bite. "I'm not a child you know, I can feed myself," he grumbled, but allowed Nigel to feed him another bite. It wasn't terrible, and would have been demeaning if it had been anyone else, but it was Nigel. He found that when it came to Nigel, there was little he  _ wouldn't _ do for him. "I still want you to eat."

Nigel’s face had gone slightly red the moment Adam took the first bite. He really hadn’t been trying to parent Adam that time, but once Adam indulged him it was hard to stop. He felt warm whenever he was able to do something like this. “I know you’re not a child,” he assured Adam, even as he held up another bite, “And I’ll eat as soon as you’re done. I’m fine, I promise.”

"Okay," Adam conceded, taking the fork from Nigel and shoving the rest of his dinner into his mouth. "Omph done," he said as well as he could, mouth stuffed full of mac and cheese, smiling as smugly as he could.

Nigel choked on a laugh, hiding his face in his hand. It was utterly ridiculous, so unlike Adam’s usual behavior. “You,” Nigel said, once he could look at Adam without laughing, “Are a little  _ brat _ . And you have cheese on your face. Budge up, I’ll go grab you a napkin.”

"No," Adam said, leaning back against Nigel and dropping as much weight as he could onto Nigel's lap. He licked at his lips, trying to get as much of the cheese off his face as he could with his tongue. "You said you'll eat as soon as I'm done. And I'm done. So you have to eat now."

“Baby,” Nigel said, trying very hard not to lose it again, “You’re a mess. It’ll dry and you’ll be uncomfortable.” It was only a few spots, but Adam didn’t typically leave food smeared across his face. Honestly, it was just the tiniest bit adorable, and Nigel weighed the odds of  _ that _ compliment getting Adam off his lap so they could clean him up. “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll take a few bites, and then you’ll let me clean your face off.”

"No," Adam said again, more firmly. "You will eat your dinner now, and then you can clean my face afterwards. You said you were going to eat."

Nigel nudged Adam again, almost bouncing him on his knee. “Hey, who put you in charge?” he asked, tickling Adam’s side, “When did you get so bossy?”

Adam squirmed away, a frown setting across his face as he crossed his arms. "I'm not bossy," he said, annoyance starting to seep through. "You said you were going to eat,  _ as soon as I was done. _ I've been done for a while now, Nigel, and you still haven't eaten yet." 

Adam  _ was _ bossy, but he was also adorable, and Nigel had trouble telling him no. “Alright, alright, settle down baby. I’ll eat.” He dragged Adam back against his chest, grabbing the fork and dragging dinner close.

Pacified, Adam relaxed against him, wiping the excess cheese off his face with the back of his hand and then onto his jeans. He wasn't sure how he felt about this whole ordeal of eating dinner in Nigel's lap. He didn't absolutely  _ hate _ it, but he didn't exactly  _ enjoy _ it either. Nigel seemed happy enough, and he was certainly acting more like the Nigel Adam knew and loved, so Adam could only assume that he had made the right decision. 

With dinner basically over Adam wasn't sure what to expect next. Nigel had mentioned something about a bath, but it wasn't quite time to turn down for bed yet. He was content sitting here in Nigel's arms, browsing the latest articles on Space.com from his phone while Nigel finished up his dinner.

Nigel pushed aside the empty plate with a sigh, leaning back against the couch and dragging Adam with him. “I love you, you know that?” He said quietly. “I love you even without you indulging me, but I’m so very appreciative that you did.” 

"I know," Adam said nuzzling against Nigel, "you married me before I had that meltdown at work and you found that you enjoyed treating me like a child."

Nigel shook his head with a chuckle and pressed a kiss against Adam’s temple. Resting his chin on Adam's shoulder he took a peek at his phone. “Alright. So tell me what’s new in space news.”

Adam shifted, moving off Nigel's lap to settle in the space between his legs and thumbed through the article again, bringing it to the beginning. "There's a study out of Kagoshima University in Japan which focuses on planets and found that planets are not only orbiting around stars, but also around supermassive black holes."

Nigel let Adam read out the article to him, just enjoying the sound of his darling’s voice. He liked black holes. He liked anything that devoured anything that touched it. 

Eventually, though, they were creeping up on bedtime, and Nigel knew he only had a limited amount of time before Adam started insisting they go to bed. He waited for a break in Adam’s articles before interrupting. “It’s bath time, baby. If you’re still okay with it.”

The bath. Adam had forgotten all about the bath. After all the excitement with dinner he wasn't sure if he would like to further disrupt his routine that night. Unfortunately, he had already agreed to the bath, and considering how much  _ he _ hated it when people changed their minds on him, Adam once again resigned himself to Nigel's whims. 

"Yes, Nigel," Adam said, pocketing his phone and came to a stand. "You can bathe me."

“You’ll like it,” Nigel said encouragingly, leading him down the hall. He couldn’t  _ actually _ guarantee that, but he had some faith that the surprise he’d picked out would help. 

The tub took a while to fill. While that was going on, Nigel pulled out the biggest towel they had and the little paper baggies. “I bought a couple of these,” he said, “So if you like it, we can do it again.” He handed the bags over to Adam, watching hopefully.

Adam took the bags from Nigel and peered inside each one. "What are they?" Adam asked, pulling out a blue spaceship. A fine dust of blue and glitter coated his fingers as he handled the spaceship and he frowned glancing up Nigel. It wasn't exactly soap, and it smelled flowery and slightly citrusy although not overpoweringly. He didn't hate it, but he didn't quite understand it either. 

“Bath bombs.” Nigel grinned, taking the spaceship and setting it to the side. “Arms up,” he said, grabbing the hem of Adam’s shirt. He’d undressed Adam a thousand times before, but this was different. He kept his touches light and respectful, although he did let his hands slide down Adam’s sides once the shirt was off. 

Adam went willingly, allowing Nigel to strip him. He always liked it; the way Nigel touched him. It was unlike the way anyone else had ever touched him, even Beth. 

Once he had Adam naked, he patted the edge of the tub. “Okay, hop in and we can see what the spaceship does.”

Hesitantly, Adam stepped into the bath. The water was hot and it stung his legs. "It's too hot," he said, shooting Nigel a withering look and refused to lower himself anymore. 

“It’s supposed to be,” Nigel told him, running a hand through the water just in case he’d inadvertently boiled his poor husband. It was definitely hot, but in Nigel’s experience, it never stayed that way long enough. “It’ll relax your muscles and make you feel good, I promise. You’ll get used to it right away.”

Nigel was probably right, it would  _ probably _ feel good once he got in, but it was hot. It wasn't scalding, but it was hot, and Adam did not like the idea of sitting down in water that hot, even though logically he  _ knew _ his body would acclimate quickly. "It's hot," he repeated petulantly, even if the warmth was starting to feel good against his legs, but he knew it would sting again if he sat.

“Baby,” Nigel pleaded, straightening up to run his hands over Adam’s arms, “It will feel  _ so _ good, and it’s going to cool off pretty quickly. If I make it any colder, you’ll be chilly before we’re done.” And then he would never let Nigel bathe him again, although Nigel kept that selfish thought quiet. “Just trust me, okay? I want you to relax.”

Adam shot him another skeptical look. With a huff, he slowly lowered himself into the water, finching at the heat. It stung, just like he knew it would, but after a little bit of squirming he had to admit it was fine. Good even.  _ Relaxing. _ Not that he had  _ doubted _ Nigel or anything. Nigel was usually right about these things.

Nigel smiled at him, hoping he came off soothing, reassuring. “There we go, better now?” He held out the bath bomb. “This is gonna be fun, I promise.” He hadn’t gone as far as bath toys, unsure of how Adam would respond to anything more blatantly childish than Legos. “Here, drop it in.”

Adam took the 'bath bomb' from Nigel, the rocketship melting under his wet fingertips. He didn't like it, that slimy feel of soap on his fingers so he dropped the whole thing into the water. The rocketship fizzled immediately, leaving behind a trail of pink and yellow amongst the blue. Adam watched, entranced, as the colors swirled around the water. "It's beautiful," he murmured and then glanced up at Nigel and flashing him a bright smile. "It's like a nebula, Nigel. The glitter is like millions of new stars expanding out."

Nigel’s smile spread wider. He leaned in, planting a kiss against Adam’s temple. “Yeah, baby, I told you you’d like it. You have any idea how many of these I looked at? I’m surprised I didn’t track glitter everywhere.” He’d had to check scents, make sure nothing was too strong or too weak, make sure nothing was gonna spit flower petals all over them. Adam would never let him live it down if he clogged their tub with this. “One of the others has these stars that float around all over the bath, it’s great. Now, will you let me wash your hair? Or would you rather do that? There’s no wrong answer.”

Adam hummed, eyes closing as he sank down lower into the water. The water felt good around him, like a nice warm blanket, and whatever the bath bomb deposited into the water he liked. It smelled good and made his skin feel softer. "I think I'd like for you to do it," he said, head half submerged as his fingers lazily traced patterns across his stomach. "Don't feel like lifting my arms above my head right now."

Adam was settling in even better than Nigel had hoped he would. He’d gathered a cup to wet his hair, just in case, but he turned out not to need it as Adam sank lower into the bath. Carefully, Nigel wet the strands that hadn’t yet met the water, cupping his hand to keep it out of Adam’s eyes. He worked the shampoo through, taking his time. Nigel could spend hours pampering Adam like this, and he was happy to linger, massaging Adam’s scalp until there was more lather than hair. Rinsing was a bit trickier, but Nigel was fairly satisfied he’d gotten everything out in the end.

The bath was nice. Adam fully approved of the bath and the way Nigel's hands felt in his hair. Then again, Adam had always loved the way Nigel's hands felt in his hair, stroking, pulling, and now washing. It was soothing, and he had decided that this was something he could certainly work into his routine. Especially on hair washing nights. "Nigel," he said, turning over and propping his chin up on the lip of the tub. "Next time, I would like it if you joined me. The tub is rather large, and although I enjoy the room to move, I slide down too far sometimes and would like it more if you were behind me. That way I can sit in your lap while you washed my hair and body."

Nigel considered this as he lathered up a soft washcloth. For him, the idea of bathing Adam and the idea of bathing  _ with _ Adam had two very different emotional contexts. When he wanted to care for Adam like this, he wasn’t thinking about sex. He was thinking about how much he loved Adam, and how gentle he wanted to be with him. If they were both in the tub, Nigel would almost definitely be thinking about sex. But then, there was no reason they couldn’t do both, once in a while.

“Sure, baby,” Nigel said, gently running the cloth over Adam’s shoulders and back, picking up one of his arms to massage soap down the length of it. 

Adam sighed and relaxed more into the water, allowing Nigel to manipulate his body anyway he wanted. He loved it, the feel of Nigel's hands running all over him. It was like when they showered together, only  _ better _ because he didn't have to stand and risk going weak in the knees when Nigel touched him  _ just so _ . Adam moaned, arching up to push against Nigel's hands as they dragged the cloth over the swell of his ass. He wanted more. He wanted Nigel the work him open and  _ thoroughly _ clean him the way he always did when they showered together.

"Nigel, more," Adam whined, squirming as he tried to get Nigel's hands where he wanted them. "I need you inside me."

Nigel stiffened, alarmed and uncertain. He’d started to sink into caring for Adam, relaxed, unhurried. It felt almost  _ wrong _ to shift from this to sex, jarring and unnatural. “Baby, I…” He didn’t know how to say no to Adam, nor did he particularly  _ want _ to, but his head didn’t seem to be in the right place.

Adam frowned, craning his neck to see Nigel better, refusing to turn around because he liked the feel of Nigel's hand on his ass. It didn't make any sense. Nigel was staring down at him with an expression Adam couldn't quite compute. It wasn't that crooked smile which squinted his eyes and made Adam's heart flutter whenever he asked for sex. It was something foreign and strange and Adam did  _ not  _ like it. It made him feel as if he had said something wrong, and all he did was ask for more, something Nigel had  _ always _ been willing to give.

Adam's arousal tapered when it was clear to him that Nigel wasn’t feeling the same way he was. Pulling away from him, Adam turned back around. He sat with his back against the tub, staring down at the shimmering water. He doesn't understand  _ why _ Nigel wasn't aroused too, touching him  _ always  _ aroused Nigel. "Do I not sexually excite you?" Adam asked weakly, dreading the answer, but he had to ask, because he had learned that it was  _ always _ better to ask than to assume.

“Oh, baby, no.” Nigel reached for Adam, leaning over the edge of the tub to pull him into his arms. He held Adam close, uncaring about the way water saturated his shirt. “I love you,” he said firmly, “I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. I was… Sometimes I get used to thinking about things differently, when we’re playing around, and I just need a minute to switch that off.”

"Oh," Adam breathed in relief against Nigel. It didn't make a lot of sense to him, as he wasn't quite aware that they had been 'playing around.' All he did was take a bath over a shower, but Nigel saw things differently than he did. He doesn't understand it, what Nigel meant by having to switch back, he wasn't aware that Nigel had 'switched' anything, but if Nigel just needed a moment, Adam could afford him that.

"So no sex when you're 'playing,'" Adam said, resting his head against Nigel's shoulder. "I can do that, but how do I know when you're 'playing' or not?"

Nigel tilted his head to plant a kiss awkwardly against Adam’s cheek. “I’ll tell you next time, okay? When I’m taking care of you, when I want to feed you or rock you or give you a bath instead of taking one with you, that’s a different kind of thinking for me. I call you ‘baby’ instead of ‘gorgeous,’ I do things for you that you normally do for yourself. I change the way I interact. But I shouldn’t leave you to guess.” Moments like this, Nigel saw Adam more as his baby than his husband, but he wasn’t sure how well Adam would take that. He knew for a fact he’d probably never convince Adam to call him ‘Daddy.’ 

“Okay,” Adam said sinking back into the bath. “So no sex when you call me baby. I can do that.” Nigel didn’t always make a lot of sense, like right now, but sometimes Adam found that he didn’t have to  _ understand _ Nigel to make Nigel happy. Nigel had said that he thinks about things differently when he’s calling him ‘baby’ and ‘taking care of him,’ and Adam understands what it’s like to think differently sometimes. He doesn’t need to understand Nigel’s logic to follow that one simple rule, because he doesn’t always  _ need _ to have sex with Nigel when ever he was sexually excited by him (otherwise he would never really do anything else). As long as Nigel was happy, he was happy, and right now, Nigel was happy. 

“Please,” Nigel said gratefully. “And as much as you want any other time. And you know you can always ask to take a break, right? If you’d rather spend some more adult time together, you just have to give me a couple minutes of warning to… come back up, I guess, is the only way I can put it.” Feeling a little bit more put together, Nigel took up the washcloth again, going for the relatively less sexual feet this time.

Despite the non-sexual nature of Nigel's movements, Adam couldn't quite quell his low-grade arousal. He wouldn't chase it, it wasn't what Nigel wanted at the moment, but he couldn't help it. Nigel touching him in any capacity would _ always _ excite him. He did manage to ignore it though, and allow Nigel to finish bathing him without any further incident. The problem was that Adam wasn't sure how much longer Nigel wanted to 'play.' He had decided to initiate things to make Nigel feel better,  _ normal, _ again, and as far as he could tell, Nigel is feeling himself again. Nigel had said that he could ask to 'stop' at anytime, but if Nigel still  _ needed _ this, he didn't want to stop, even if he wanted sex. Tonight was about what Nigel needed, not him.

Nigel helped Adam out of the bath, drying him off and wrapping him up in the thick towel. He pressed a kiss to Adam’s forehead. “I’d still like to read to you tonight,” he said softly. “It doesn’t have to be a children’s story; I don’t think you’d like that at all. It can be some science articles if you want, I just want to be able to cuddle you and read to you until you get sleepy. And tomorrow we can do whatever  _ you  _ want to do.”

"Okay," Adam said, falling against Nigel, agreeing happily for he had always loved the sound of Nigel's voice. "You can read my book to me, the one I've been reading before bed." Adam nuzzled against him, content and pliant in his arms. The bath had been a good idea. It was relaxing and soothing, and now Nigel was going to read Phillip Roth to him. This was a good night, if _ this _ was what it would be like to have Nigel 'take care of him,' Adam would happily comply. "Carry me to bed, Nigel," he murmured sleepily against Nigel's skin, "don't feel like walking."

“Absolutely, baby.” Nigel was more than happy to hoist Adam up into his arms, holding tight to him as he carried him into the bedroom. Adam was so sweet like this, so relaxed and pleased. There would have to be more baths, like this one, but also the kind Adam would have preferred. 

Nigel laid Adam out on his side of the bed, pulling the covers up around him. He grabbed Adam’s book from the bedside table, crawling into bed with him and shifting until he had Adam tucked against his side. He stared at the book cover. It didn’t look anything like Adam’s usual reading habits. “You’re sure this is the one you want?”

"Yes," Adam said, burrowing into Nigel's side. "Phillip Roth is one of the most awarded American Novelists of his generation. His novels explores the American identity in an almost autobiographical way. I've been steadily working my way through his novels. This one won the 1995 National Book Award for Fiction and was a finalist for the 1996 Pulitzer."

Nigel opened the book to Adam’s bookmark and found the place Adam had left out. He cleared his throat, brow furrowed. “Immediately after the morphine it was never easy to follow her,” he read, “‘and the question is what?’ ‘Who started? Was it that you took your dick out and said, ‘I want to piss on you, Drenka,’’” Nigel stopped, reread the line in his head, and set the book down. “Adam, what the fuck am I reading?”

Adam shifted, lifting his head a little to attempt to read Nigel's expression before settling back down against him. Nigel seemed to be perturbed by the content of the book. Unsurprising, considering where he had left off. Watersports was certainly _ not _ one of his own personal kinks, even if urine was sterile. "It is a perverse account of an old man's life," he finally said, fingers tapping lightly against Nigel's thigh. "He is not a redeemable man, but his relationships and experiences helps one explore their own egos. It's not one of my favorites of Roth's so far, but Roth's writing is always rich and a delight to read."

“A delight,” Nigel muttered, staring at the page. Perverse was right. Nigel was never going to be able to forget that sentence. “Baby,” he said gently, “What about some of those articles you were reading earlier? Or that book you have about the Apollo 13 mission?” Or literally any of the dozens of books they had lying around the house. 

"Oh, you want to read something about space," Adam said, quickly scrambling off of Nigel to go retrieve the book. Adam beamed as he handed Nigel the book, tucking himself back into the crook of Nigel's arm. He was buzzing with excitement. The prospect of Nigel reading Phillip Roth had been exciting, but Nigel was now going to be reading 'Lost Moon' to him and he could barely contain himself. Jeffrey Kluger's retelling of Jim Lovell's story had always been one of his favorites.

Nigel relaxed, tightening his arm around Adam. This, he could handle. He’d seen the movie and had Adam tell him the story about a dozen times by now. It was comfortable, familiar territory. Tense enough to be exciting, but knowing that it would all work out in the end. If he was lucky, Adam would fall asleep while he read, and he could enjoy that weird, almost parental pride in himself for having cared for him. If not, he’d read until Adam told him to stop, and they’d both be happy regardless. “Nobody knew how the stories about the poison pills got started,” Nigel began. 

Adam smiled, closing his eyes as he lost himself in Nigel's voice. " _ A new person would show up for his first day on the job at NASA, meet his first crewman, and as soon as he got back to his desk would turn to the guy sitting next to him and want to know: Have you heard about the poison pill?"  _ Adam mouthed along silently before letting out a yawn. He could get used to this, falling asleep to the sound of Nigel talking space to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points to anyone who can name the book Adam was reading lol


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nigel tries something new, it doesn't work out quite the way he expected it to.

They’d tried it a few more times, with middling success. Adam never seemed to fully ‘get’ what Nigel was getting out of it, but he generally enjoyed being cuddled and bathed and read to. Nigel had gotten… a little over excited about it, to be honest. Though at least this time, he’d asked ahead of time. 

They’d set aside an entire evening, starting with lunch, and Nigel had been preparing. The first step would be the hardest, but he was determined not to flinch this time. He laid out two plates on the coffee table, Adam’s without crusts again, and a sippy cup full of Adam’s favorite juice. Then he sat back and waited for Adam’s inevitable comment. 

Adam eyed the sandwich as he dropped down onto Nigel's lap. Eating lunch in the living room was not his favorite. The last time they did this he had accidentally spilled his juice all over himself and the carpet. It was a mess and they spent more time cleaning up than they did eating. Nigel felt terrible about it and Adam had given up having sex later that night to extend their ‘game’ as Nigel liked to call it just to make Nigel feel better. As far as he could guess, today was going to be another one of those days. Where the crusts of his sandwich offended Nigel and they may or may not be finish the ‘game’ before bed and have sex. And then Adam’s gaze fell on the cup. The cup was new. Adam liked it. He picked it up and turned it upside down, shaking it for good measure. "Thank you, Nigel," he said, setting the cup back down and picked up his sandwich.

Nigel stared down at the top of Adam’s head. He looked at the cup. Then back at Adam. “That’s  _ it? _ ” He finally said, even knowing he should just shut up and take it. He’d been prepped for a fuss, for a complaint. Adam was just going to sit in his lap and eat and  _ be good? _

Putting the sandwich down, Adam turned in Nigel's arms. Confused. "What's it, Nigel?" Adam glanced between his befuddled husband and the sandwich he was eating. Nigel's reaction didn't make a lot of sense to him. There was nothing different between what they were doing now and what they had always done before. They were eating lunch. In what was possibly the most impractical position (although he did get to sit in Nigel's lap and be held so he wasn't exactly complaining), and the crust of his sandwich had once again offended Nigel. Everything was the same, and then Adam's eyes landed on the cup again. 

"Oh, are you talking about the cup?" Adam asked, picking it up again. It was a nice cup. Practical. And he also liked that Nigel found one with the NASA logo on it. "Did you want me to elaborate on my thank you? It's a very nice cup, Nigel. Works great," he said flipping it upside-down again and giving it another shake to demonstrate. "See, no leaks and the top doesn't pop off."

Nigel gaped at him. “You’ve had something to say about every single thing we’ve done. The crusts, the bath, the rocking. Everything. But  _ this,  _ you’re fine with?” Nigel shook his head with a small laugh. Squeezing tight around Adam’s stomach, he pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You are a baffling man, Adam Raki, and I love you so much.”

"I love you too, but I don't understand," Adam said, leaning back into Nigel. "Why should I have a problem with a cup? It's practical. Now we don't have to spill my drink all the time. It might still spill if we threw it onto the floor, depending on how secure the lid is, but it seems pretty solid. The crusts make no sense. I'm not offended by sandwich bread, unlike you, and I enjoyed the baths. I just never had one before. I prefer a different kind of rocking to sleep, but you said no sex when you're calling me baby. Did you have different intentions with the cup?"

All of this actually made a good point. “I’m not offended by crusts,” Nigel protested halfheartedly, though it hadn’t gotten him anywhere yet. “I’m glad you like the cup, though. Really glad. I don’t want to make you miserable when we do this, but I couldn’t resist trying something new. Honestly, I was a little afraid you were going to yell at me.”

Adam stiffened. Something about what Nigel was saying didn't quite sit right with him. Pulling out of Nigel's embrace he turned to face him again, fingers tapping furiously against his thigh. "You were  _ afraid _ I was going to be upset or  _ miserable, _ and you decided to it anyway?" 

Nigel’s eyes widened, startled. “That’s not what I meant!” He insisted. “If you’d hated it, I would have thrown it away. But I wouldn't  _ know _ until I tried it.” 

Nigel leaned back against the couch, frowning at Adam. “Jesus, Adam, you really think I’d make you do something that made you miserable? Or  _ try _ , anyway, not like I can make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

"I don't know what to think, Nigel," Adam shot back defensively, coming to a stand. "You said you were afraid I was going to yell at you, which means you believed I was going to be upset. Why would you try to upset me? I  _ trusted _ you Nigel, I  _ trusted _ you  _ not _ to upset me. You could have just  _ asked _ me."

“I thought there was a  _ chance _ you’d be upset,” Nigel argued. He too climbed to his feet, taking a step back to give himself space. “And if you were, I would have taken care of it! I figured if there was a problem we’d  _ talk _ about it. Or I’d just throw the damn thing away and we’d never try it again. I wasn’t  _ trying  _ to upset you, what the hell, Adam?”

Adam wanted to scream. Nigel was being contradictory, and he  _ hated _ it when Nigel was contradictory. He could never predict Nigel when he was like this. He was just trying to go along with the things that Nigel wanted. He had been fine with everything and wasn't bothered. But Nigel had  _ anticipated _ that he would be bothered. It was wrong. Everything he did was always  _ wrong _ . Even when he was trying so hard to make sure it  _ right _ . "Dumb Adam," he yelled, hands flying to his head as the emotions he had attempted to push down spilled over. "Stupid Adam, bad Adam."

Shit,  _ shit _ . Somehow, Nigel always managed to screw things up, to say the wrong thing, or the rude thing, or just in general be an ass. “No, baby, don’t,” he pleaded, reaching for Adam’s hands. He hauled Adam close, crushing him against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m so sorry, it’s okay. It’s alright. You’re not dumb, or stupid, or bad. I’m so sorry.”

Adam thrashed against him, attempting to reconcile all the conflicting emotions coursing through him. He was angry and distraught, relieved and happy, a jumbled mix of everything and he just wanted it all to stop. He just wanted to eat his lunch and be held by Nigel, but instead he felt like he was going to explode out of his skin because of a  _ cup. _ A cup he didn't even care about because it was  _ practical. _ "I- I-" Adam stammered, unable to form a coherent thought. 

Nigel dropped backwards onto the couch, dragging Adam with him. He pinned Adam’s flailing limbs, holding him as tight as he could in his lap. “Shh,” He whispered, “Just breathe with me, baby. Deep breaths, in and out.” Nigel took in his own breath, long and slow, trying to coax Adam to mimic him. “It’s okay, Adam. You’re safe. I’m so sorry, but you’re safe and everything’s going to be alright.”

Adam attempted to match Nigel's breathing. To just focus on the in and out of his breath. To try not to think about anything else. He still wanted to tear himself out of his own skin, but the sensation was slowly ebbing with every intake of breath. "I-" Adam tried again, his voice shaking, "I just-" he couldn't get the words out. Every time he tried he was met with a hiccup and a sob. He  _ wanted _ to tell Nigel that he was trying for him. That he was trying to make him happy. That he was trying to make try this different aspect of their relationship work. 

Nigel kissed the top of Adam’s head, a few tears brimming in his own eyes. “I love you,” he whispered, “I love you so much, baby, you have no idea. Take your time. Let me know what you need.” He wished he could fix this for Adam. Wished he could go back and never have said anything at all. Or at least phrased it better. He reached for Adam’s face, cupping his cheek so he could place kisses over his red cheeks, the damp corners of his eyes, his temples. “Slow and deep, baby, I’ve got you.”

It took a moment. Longer than Adam would have liked, but eventually his breathing did calm down, just so long as he didn’t attempt to talk. Nigel was holding him. Kissing him. Showering him with endearments and declarations of love. He wanted to say those things back. To tell Nigel that he loved him too. That he was trying, for  _ him _ . But every time he tried to open his mouth to voice those things he’d choke on the words. He couldn’t get it out of his head; that Nigel would purposely do something to upset him, and yet, here they were. 

Adam didn't know how else he was supposed to interpret Nigel’s words. He  _ knew _ Nigel would never do anything to hurt him, to upset him, Nigel had proven that time and time again. Adam knew there was a miscommunication, because sometimes Nigel said things he didn't mean. Because that's just how he talked. Even though Nigel had said that he was afraid that Adam would yell, and that although Nigel didn’t  _ want _ him to be miserable. Adam  _ knew _ there must have been a different meaning, but he simply couldn't suss it out. “What did you mean?” Adam finally managed to say, face half buried in Nigel’s shirt. “When you said that you were honestly a little afraid that I was going to yell at you, what did you mean?”

Nigel took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He didn’t want to mess this up again. “The things I like are… weird,” he said slowly. “I know there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s still true. And you’ve been great about indulging them, but you’ve made it clear that you get something different out of them than I do. And that some of them aren’t your favorite, like sitting in my lap for a meal.” Nigel tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling. 

“When I said I was afraid you’d yell at me, that wasn’t entirely literal. And I should know better than to do that to you, I know how hard it is for you to process when people say things they don’t mean. But… Adam, most people are very judgemental about the things I like, the things I want to do with you. Fuck,  _ I’m _ a little judgemental of  _ myself _ . I was worried you wouldn’t like it, but that would have been simple enough to fix. Just throw it away. I can’t fix it if you don’t like  _ me _ , and… I guess it’s hard for me to feel okay with myself, so it’s hard for me to imagine someone else being okay with it.”

"I like you, Nigel," Adam protested. Because he did like Nigel. He liked  _ everything _ about Nigel, even the things he didn't like. "I would tell you if I didn't like something. I  _ always _ tell you when I don't like something. And I might not like  _ eating _ in your lap, but I like being in your lap, so the eating thing is fine.  _ Especially _ with the new cup. Now we don't have to make a mess, because constantly have to clean up spilled drinks was getting tedious." Adam sunk into Nigel, swiping at the residual tears. "I just, I  _ know _ you would never do something purposely to make me feel uncomfortable, but I just couldn't reconcile your words in my brain."

Nigel ran his hand up and down Adam’s back, long, gentle strokes. “I know you’d tell me. I just don’t want you to  _ have to _ . I’d like it if I never suggested anything you didn’t like, but I know that’s not realistic.” He sighed. “I’m sorry I upset you, baby. Adam. I don’t think before I speak, you know me. I’m glad the cup’s a hit, though. Better than cleaning juice out of your jeans again.”

Adam chuckled. "That's still preferable to cleaning juice out of the carpet." Adam pressed against Nigel, arching into his touch.  _ This _ was what he loved. Nigel holding him. Nigel touching him. Nigel making him feel safe and secure and loved and wanted. He was willing to do anything for this. To eat in the living room, on the floor, in Nigel's lap. To let Nigel bathe him and clean him and wrap him up snug and  _ not _ have sex. "I'm sorry I reacted so poorly. I  _ know _ to ask for clarification, because you  _ do  _ sometimes say things that are very confusing, but I…" Adam took a deep breath, he didn't want to think about that again. "Can we finish our lunch now, Nigel?”

Nigel gave him one last tight squeeze. “Yeah, we can finish our lunch. Do you want me to get you a regular cup? I know that kind of ruined the mood, we don’t have to play anymore today if you’re not up for it.” Personally, Nigel craved it  _ more _ when he was stressed, but he wasn’t about to send Adam spiraling again if he needed something different.

"A regular cup would be counterproductive, don't you think?" Adam asked slipping back down to the floor. He waited for Nigel to join him, before picking up his sandwich again.

Another protest was on the tip of Nigel’s tongue, but he bit it back. If he was still going to get his evening of coddling Adam, who was he to argue? Nigel slid down beside Adam, wrapping an arm around his waist. “You’re right, baby. I’m glad you like your new cup. I’ve got a couple of other things to show you after lunch, you can tell me if you like them or want me to get rid of them.”

"Okay," Adam said around a bite full of sandwich. He generally liked Nigel's presents, especially considering the last one was Robert Kurson's  _ Rocket Men _ and the one before was his Lunar Lander (not to mention the Space Knife he got for their sixth anniversary). He ate the rest of his meal quickly, entertaining Nigel by taking a few sips of juice from the cup. While he liked the flow of the cup, and the fact that it prevents spills, he was not very happy with its capacity. The cup was small, and would need to be refilled. They might have to revisit this at a later time, but for now he was simply content with the smile on Nigel's face.

Nigel didn’t know how to explain the warm feeling he got whenever he got to do this with Adam. He rewarded him with a kiss to his cheek when he tried out the cup. “Alright,” he said when they were done and he’d cleared the mess away. He dragged a large box out of the hall closet, shoving it to the middle of the room. “There’s one thing in here I  _ know _ you’ll like. Everything else, I’m just asking you to consider.”

Nigel's words were foreboding, although if this was anything like the cup again, they shouldn’t have a problem. Following Nigel to the box Adam peeled back the tape and stared blankly into a box full of what looked like stuffed balls. Picking up the largest one, it was revealed that they all had arms and legs and a face embroidered onto it. The ball was yellow and red, and extremely fluffy. Adam instantly hated it, the texture was terrible and he wasn’t sure what it  _ was _ until he turned it over and saw the word ‘sun’ embroidered onto its right foot. “Are these…?” He asked, words trailing off as he dropped the sun to pick up what was evidently Uranus. “Why do they have faces? And arms? And legs?” 

Nigel had sort of expected this, but he’d been hoping the level of cuteness would overcome it. Or perhaps the same childish glee Adam got when he put together the LEGO set. “They’re supposed to be cute,” he offered, “I grabbed the entire set because I didn’t know what you’d like. Or if you’d like any of them.”

Adam turned Uranus over in his hands a few times, running his fingers along its ring. “I like that they included Uranus’ rings. They are usually overlooked.” Dropping Uranus back into the box he plucked out what was most likely Jupiter and chuckled when he saw the face. “I like what they did with the nose and mouth here,” he said flashing Nigel a grin. “Look the red spot is his nose and  Io’s shadow is its mouth. I like that.”

Overall, not as disastrous as it could have been. Nigel grinned at him. “See, that’s what I liked. There’s a  _ little _ bit of seriousness to them, but not too much.” He leaned forward, digging to the bottom of the box. “The best part is here, though. I tried so hard to hunt this down for you, and in the end I just had one custom made.” He hefted the blanket from the box, still carefully folded, and held it out to Adam. 

Adam’s eyes lit up with excitement as he dropped Jupiter back into the box and took the blanket from Nigel. It was heavy, a good fifteen pounds if he had to guess, Nigel would have gotten the weight correct, but what caught his eye was the silver embroidery. Settling back down onto the couch, he unfurled the blanket, gasping as he took in the positions of the stars. “Nigel, this is…” It was his sky. The exact portion of it that would have been seen in New York City the night of his birthday (if there were no light pollution). “I… it’s beautiful.” Carefully laying the blanket over the couch, Adam made his way back over to the box and plucked Jupiter and Saturn out, positioning them onto the blanket with a chuckle. “There, now it’s accurate.”

Nigel grinned, pulling Adam into his arms. “I’m glad you like it, baby. I’ve been trying so hard to think of ways to spoil you.” He kissed Adam’s temple, swaying gently where he stood, though Adam was in no need of rocking. “You should make me a Christmas list. Things you want for you, and things you think would be nice for when we play. Even if all you want is books.” And the LEGO set Nigel had already ordered. 

“Okay,” Adam said relaxing into Nigel’s hold. He’d have to think about what he wanted for Christmas, there weren’t many things he  _ wanted _ that he couldn’t just buy himself. Perhaps the Bandai Saturn V model, he could never quite justify purchasing that for himself, but if Nigel was offering… “Nigel, I would like it if you wrapped us in the blanket and read to me now.” 

“Anything you want, baby.” Nigel fetched the book they’d been working on, sprawling out on the couch. He pulled Adam to lay between his thighs, his back to Nigel’s chest, and dragged the heavy blanket over them. “Now, where were we?”


	5. Chapter 5

Adam giggled as they pushed their way through the door. The party wasn't absolutely _ terrible,  _ for starters there was gin and tonic, and a bartender who made them right. Adam  _ may _ have had one too many to calm his nerves, but Nigel and Darko had been there with him the whole time. They were good at making sure he felt comfortable and safe, and now he had to admit he was a little bit drunk. 

"Nigel," Adam said collapsing into Nigel's arms with another giggle. "The room is all spinny."

Nigel stumbled under Adam’s sudden weight, hauling him close and tripping over his own shoes as he tried to kick them off. “I got you,” He muttered distractedly, giving his shoes another firm kick, “I got you, baby. You wanna lay down? God, I wanna lay down.” Nigel had drank quite a bit himself, he and Darko snatching each other’s drinks, occasionally trying to outdo each other. 

"Baby," Adam repeated with another giggle, pulling Nigel down onto the couch with him. "If I'm baby, are you daddy? Oh look, Saturn!" He said pulling the plush planet out from under them. "God of generation, dissolution, plenty, wealth, agriculture, periodic renewal and liberation. Did you know he was Jupiter, Neptune, Pluto, Juno, Ceres and Vesta's daddy? Father time. Cronus. You could be Saturn."

Nigel stared hazily at Adam, grinning widely. “I’ll be Saturn if you call me Daddy,” he said, because it seemed like the most sensible and advantageous thing to say. “You want more of your planets? I gotta-“ he pushed himself back up and stopped mid-sentence, waiting for the room to settle down. “I gotta get us water anyway. You’ll hate a hangover.”

“I don’t know where Jupiter, Neptune and Pluto went.” Adam sat up, glancing around the room before plopping back down onto the couch. The planet plushies went somewhere after they were unboxed. Where he wasn’t quite sure. Obviously Saturn made its way to the couch, perhaps there were more there, but he didn’t want to move. If they were there then they are buried somewhere beneath him. “Water is good. Counteracts the dehydration caused by the alcohol, which is the main cause of a hangover. Headaches due to severe dehydration.” 

“Got it in one, darling.” Nigel aimed a kiss at Adam’s forehead and caught the bridge of his nose instead. Oh well. Same general principle. 

Nigel was feeling a bit paternal. It was all Adam’s fault, asking Nigel if he was Daddy in that voice of his. That, that Adam-voice. Nigel fetched himself a tall glass of water, but Adam’s he put into the sippy cup. Maybe Nigel could even get him to play with his stuffed toys properly tonight, while they were both feeling silly. 

“Nigel,” Adam cooed, taking the cup from him, chewing on the tip as he settled back down against Nigel. The cup was still tiny, but it was preferable to dumping water all over himself. Besides, this way he can lie down on Nigel  _ and _ drink his water. “Stroke my hair,” He said around the tip of the sippy cup lodged in his teeth.

“Sweet baby,” Nigel praised, wrapping Adam up in one arm. He obeyed immediately, running his fingers through Adam’s hair, scratching gently against his scalp. Adam looked adorable like this. Nigel was a lucky, lucky man. He took for granted sometimes how good he had it with Adam. 

“No, you’re sweet,” Adam said, nuzzling against him, the cup slipping from his mouth as he licked a stripe up Nigel’s arm. “No, I take that back. You’re salty. And a little bit bitter, like spilled beer. Did you spill beer on your arm?” 

“Fuckin’ Darko,” Nigel muttered, although it probably  _ had _ been Nigel himself. Smiling mischievously, he leaned in and licked a tiny spot over Adam’s cheekbone, small enough to be easily wiped away should the sensation bother Adam too badly. “Nope, I was right. Definitely sweet.”

"Wet," Adam protested, rubbing his cheek on Nigel's shirt, muffling a yawn. "You smell like beer and stale cigarettes," he said around another yawn, shifting lower until his head dropped down onto Nigel's lap. He shifted uncomfortably, pawing at Nigel's thighs. "Why do you have so much stuff in your pockets?"

Nigel did a mental tally of his pockets. “Wallet,” he said, “Cigarettes. Lighter. House keys. That weird fidgety thing I got you in case crowds get to be too much.” A certain other item he’d been carrying around, trying to work up the courage to ask Adam to please,  _ please  _ give it a try. “Come back up here, baby, lemme hold you properly and you won’t have to feel all that stuff.”

“No,” Adam protested, shoving at the stuff in Nigel’s pocket. “Sleepy. Just empty your pockets and stroke my hair.”

Nigel took everything out of his pockets, awkwardly shoving the objects between his body and the couch so Adam couldn’t see them. “There we go, baby,” he crooned, going back to the gentle, soothing scratches from before. 

Adam hummed contently, Saturn tucked under his arm as he burrowed against Nigel. "Much better." This was nice. With his eyes closed, the room was less spinny, and sure, Nigel smelled of beer and stale cigarettes, but it was  _ Nigel.  _ Besides, Nigel's hands working their way through his hair was probably his favorite feeling in the world.

Nigel watched Adam with hazy eyes. He was such a beautiful, sweet man. Nigel wanted to hold him forever, to keep him close and protected and safe. He wanted Adam to be his husband and his baby, to be his everything. He watched as Adam began to settle, fingering one of the objects he’d hidden. It would be fine, right? Adam was nearly asleep now, and he’d enjoyed the cup, and honestly, Nigel was far too drunk for impulse control. The pacifier had been specially ordered, sized for an adult’s mouth, and Nigel popped it between Adam’s lips before he could properly figure out why that was a terrible idea.

Adam jerked awake. Spitting the foreign object from his mouth. His brain was fuzzy and his mouth dry. Sitting up he looked around the dark apartment, the only light coming from the foyer, as Saturn fell to the floor. "Nigel?" He asked, blinking, willing the room to stop spinning. "What did you just put in my mouth?"

“Nothing!” Nigel yelped, in the least convincing voice ever. “Nothing we ever have to talk about ever again.” He grabbed for the pacifier, trying to shove it back into his pockets. 

Adam grabbed at Nigel's hands, forcing them in front of him. "Is that a pacifier?" He asked incredulously, plucking the offending object from Nigel. "You put a pacifier in my mouth? I'm  _ not _ a  _ baby, _ Nigel, regardless of what you call me.”

“I know you’re not!” Nigel said frantically. “I just. I just thought-“ Nigel had no idea what he had thought, honestly. He was a bit too drunk to fully understand or explain that sweet, warm feeling he got when they played together. When he could care for Adam, spoil him with gifts, hold him. “I thought it would be cute?” He tried, Which was not untrue, but barely scratched the surface of Nigel’s feelings. 

"Nigel," Adam whined, dropping back down onto his lap. "If you wanted me to suck on something, you could have just called me gorgeous and put your cock in my mouth."

Nigel grumbled, confused arousal bubbling in his stomach. “You  _ are _ gorgeous,” he assured Adam, “but I’m not gonna do that to you while you’re sleeping! And it’s not the same thing.”

"If you were gonna shove  _ anything _ in my mouth while I was sleeping, I would have preferred your cock over a  _ pacifier." _ Adam groused, turning over to prop his chin on Nigel's lap. He wanted to paw at Nigel, to bring him to full hardness, but it was probably a bad idea, with his head spinning and his stomach rolling. 

Nigel pouted down at him. “You were drinking from your cup and cuddling your stuffed planets. You joked about calling me  _ Daddy.  _ I thought it would be cute.” And it would have felt nice, in that confusing, complicated way. Now he just felt embarrassed and grumpy. He wished they could just go to bed and forget about it. 

"Cute," Adam repeated, pulling his arms up to fold under his forehead as he mumbled against Nigel’s thigh. "How is a pacifier cute? And the cup is practical, Nigel. How else am I supposed to drink lying down?" In fact, he would like his cup again, but it fell somewhere, probably onto the floor with Saturn. “Nigel,” Adam whined again, turning slightly so his back was pressed against the back of the couch and he could look up at Nigel. “My cup fell. And so did Saturn.”

“It’s cute the way everything you do is cute,” Nigel mumbled. The way Adam was being absolutely adorable right now and making it impossible for Nigel to be frustrated. Nigel sighed and kissed Adam’s forehead. “I’ve got it, baby, don’t worry.” Leaning halfway off the couch, Nigel managed to scoop up both items, tucking Saturn between their bodies and holding the cup up to Adam’s mouth. 

Adam took the tip of the cup happily into his mouth. Sucking down a few mouthfuls of water before letting it drop again. "I think I like Earth the most," Adam said, pulling Saturn out from between them. "Did you know SpaceX launched him into space back in March with their Dragon Crew? Elon Musk even jokingly called it a 'super- high tech zero-g indicator' since it would show weightlessness by floating around. Where is Earth, by the way? Why is Saturn the only one here?"

Nigel sighed happily when Adam let him hold the cup for him, tucking it between their bodies when he was done. “I didn’t know that. It’s pretty cool that you have the same toy.” Nigel glanced over his shoulder, giving the living room a quick, bleary-eyed once-over. “You’ve been scattering them, baby. I don’t know where Earth is. Do you want to check the bedroom and get tucked in?”

"We're  _ on _ Earth, Nigel," Adam said with a giggle. "Oh we should put Uranus and Neptune in the freezer. Wouldn't that be funny? You know because  _ Ice Giants."  _ Adam fell back into a fit of giggles, rolling over so he could bury his face in Nigel's shirt. "Bed is good. But bed is far."

“We can’t freeze your toys,” Nigel told him, running gentle fingers through his hair. “But I can carry you to bed.” Nigel paused, judging just how fast the room was spinning. “...probably. Sit up, let daddy lift you.”

"My father is  _ dead, _ Nigel," Adam said with a pout, crossing his arms across his chest. "And Uranus and Neptune  _ belong _ in the freezer.  _ Ice Giants,  _ Nigel, ICE GIANTS."

Nigel winced. He hadn’t even been aware he’d said it. “Just a pet name, darling. You’re not an angel or a star, or a  _ baby _ , but I’ve called you all three of them, haven’t I?” He sighed, rubbing at his temple. “Tell you what. If you can  _ find _ those planets, you can put them in the freezer, but then we should both lie down with some more water.”

"Okay," Adam said stumbling to his feet. The planets were  _ somewhere,  _ although Nigel was right, he had scattered them all over the house at some point. "Saturn should go in the oven," he declared, throwing the planet at Nigel. " _ Gas _ Giant and all. He should take Jupiter with him, so he won't be lonely. Where is Jupiter?  _ Nigel _ ," he whined again, falling against him. "All my planets are missing. Saturn's all alone. The Solar System is destroyed. Everything is in disarray!"

Nigel shoved the toy into the oven, taking the moment to refill Adam’s cup. “I’ll get you a toybox,” he said, wrapping his arm tight around Adam. “Then you’ll always be able to find them. But for now, we’ll look in the morning. Here, drink this.” He shoved the cup into Adam’s face, half-nudging half-dragging him down the hall.

"Nigel, Nigel," Adam complained, the sippy cup hanging out of his mouth from his teeth. He kept glancing back toward the kitchen as Nigel pushed him down the hall toward the bedroom. "Nigel! Saturn! Saturn needs Jupiter or he'll be lonely! We need to find Jupiter! Nigel!"

“We need to get to sleep,” Nigel corrected, although Adam’s sudden imaginative play was warming him from the inside out. “If Jupiter is in the bedroom, I’ll take him out to sleep with Saturn,” he promised, “but otherwise it’s going to have to wait until tomorrow. You don’t want to wake up with a bad bad headache, do you?”

"I want Jupiter to be with Saturn!" Adam declared with a stomp of his foot, refusing to move any further. "I also  _ need _ Uranus and Neptune to be in the freezer."

“Hey,” Nigel protested, “don’t stomp your foot at me!” He sighed. He had way too much of a headache to try and figure out where Adam stood on the subject of  _ discipline. _ “Okay. Okay. If we find your planets and put them where they go, do you  _ promise _ you’ll get right into bed? No more fussing?”

"Yes, Nigel," Adam said sweetly. The cup clattering to the floor as he leaned in to give Nigel a kiss on the cheek. "Once the planets are in their proper places we can sleep. In bed. Because that is where we sleep. Bed."

“That’s right, baby,” Nigel ruffled his hair, stooping to salvage the cup, “No freezers or ovens for us. Just a nice, warm bed.”

Nigel got lucky. Neptune had been on the floor by the dresser, and Jupiter was tucked safely into Adam’s side of the bed. He had to crawl halfway under the bed to drag out Uranus, but soon he had all three. “Okay. Can you get into bed while I put these guys to sleep? I’ll bring you more water.”

Adam flopped onto the bed with a giggle. "Yes, Nigel. Water," he said rolling over to pull Earth into his arms. "Did you know that's what makes you special, buddy?  _ Water. _ We would not exist without water.” Adam yawned, his eyes slipping closed as he curled himself around Earth.

By the time Nigel was done shoving stuffed toys into awkward places, he was beat. Apparently Adam was too, since he didn’t budge when Nigel crawled in next to him. Nigel sighed, tugging Adam into the crook of his arm and propping the sippy cup up against his mouth. Either he would drink on instinct and Nigel would get to fall asleep cuddling his adorable husband, or he wouldn’t, and Nigel would STILL fall asleep cuddling his adorable husband, but Adam’s headache would be worse come morning. 

\-----

Adam awoke with a pounding headache and the feeling that he had fallen asleep in his clothes. Blinking awake with a groan, he attempted to dislodge himself from Nigel's grip without waking him with middling success. Pulling his arms free he found his cup next to his pillow and was grateful that he hadn't rolled over onto in the middle of the night. Shaking it, he found it full and popped the lid off to alleviate his dry mouth. He would have to talk to Nigel about getting a better cup. Maybe a water bottle. Anything that held more than four ounces of water at a time, but he knew that Nigel (for whatever reason) enjoyed it when he used it. With another groan he snapped the lid back in place and set the cup aside.

"Nigel," Adam whined, pawing at the arm held firmly around his waist. The need to pee winning out over his desire to let Nigel sleep. He kicked at Nigel, wincing when his shoes made contact with Nigel's leg. With another groan he kicked off his shoes and tried to pry Nigel off of him again.

Nigel woke with a groan, rolling over to escape Adam’s flailing limbs. He’d been so focused on caring for Adam the night before that he had completely neglected himself, and his head and bladder both were killing him. “Ow,” he muttered, rubbing at his shin. The room was too bright as he sat up. 

Nigel hit the other bathroom as Adam scrambled off of him and then snagged a bottle of pain meds. He started fussing around in the kitchen, filling up two adult cups with cold water and setting pills beside them. “Adam,” he called, even though it killed his head, “when you’re done I have aspirin in the kitchen!”

Adam didn't want the aspirin as much as he wanted some food. Anything to make his stomach settle. Downing the aspirin and water Nigel had left out for him, he opened the fridge and stared at the contents, everything making his stomach roll more. Moving onto the freezer he stood there frowning. "Nigel, why are Uranus and Neptune in the freezer?"

Nigel stared at him blearily and then started laughing, rubbing his temples. “Drunk Adam is really, really good at being my baby,” he said, taking another gulp of his water. “Something about ice giants? Oh shit!” Turning, Nigel dropped to his knees, pulling stuffed toys out of the oven. Jupiter was probably going to need a bath, but Saturn looked no worse for the wear. 

Adam nodded, closing the freezer door. It made sense. Ice Giants should be in the freezer. "Okay," he said as he continued his quest for food. "Nigel, do we have any bread?"

Nigel scrounged up the last of the bread from the bread box, tossing it to Adam and opening the freezer back up. “These can’t stay here,” he insisted, setting the other two toys on the counter, “I can’t reach my bacon. Hangovers need grease and salt.”

"That's because the bacon's in the fridge, Nigel, not the freezer. You put Uranus and Neptune back.  _ They'll melt _ if left this close to the sun," he said around a mouthful of bread, gesturing towards the Sun and Polaris plush toys sitting on the kitchen table. 

“Fridge, freezer,” Nigel mumbled, shoving the toys back into place, “It’s too early for second languages and logic.” He dug out the pack of bacon, a carton of eggs, and butter. “There we go. Hangover breakfast. You want any, darling? I’ll make you anything you like.” He probably owed it to Adam, after the pacifier incident. 

"No thank you, I have bread." Adam sat down by the table, swiping the two stars onto the floor and continued to eat his bread, watching Nigel cook. He always liked to watch Nigel cook. The way he moved around the kitchen, all grace and precision, made Adam thrum with arousal. 

“More for me, then.” Nigel still cooked up the entire pack of bacon and half the eggs, carefully dodging Polaris when it rolled past his feet. “When you’re done with that, do you think you could put some of these guys away? Don’t we have that big black bag… thing? The Black Hole they came with.”

"You know nothing escapes a black hole right? Not even light. Once they reach the singularity, they will be crushed to infinite density and their mass is added to the total of the black hole. I don't think I want that too happen to my planets," Adam retorted, chewing thoughtfully. "You can put the Sun and Polaris in it. Maybe Mars and the Comet too, as the hair annoys me. Uranus and Neptune stay in the freezer."

Nigel wandered past Adam to his own seat, planting a kiss on the top of Adam’s head as he went. “You know I love how into these you get, right? It’s cute.” He took a big bite of bacon, nudging the plate closer to Adam in hopes of tempting him. “You still have to find a place for all your other toys. At least until I buy you a toy box. We’re drowning in celestial bodies.”

"And who's fault is that?" Adam glared at the bacon, its smell grating on his sensitive stomach at the moment, and the fact that Nigel would now taste like bacon, should he attempt to kiss him. Not that Adam had anything _ against _ bacon, it was alright, when cooked properly, which Nigel does. He just didn't want it  _ at this moment. _ "And I don't want a  _ toy _ box. I'm not child, Nigel."

Nigel raised an eyebrow. He turned his entire body to face the fridge. “You hear that, guys?” He said to the freezer, “Adam doesn’t want a toy box because he’s not a child. I guess we can put you in the black hole after all.”

Turning back to Adam, he grinned. “I’m teasing you,” he said gently, hoping to avoid some of the communication errors they’d had before, “but these things need to go  _ somewhere _ when you’re not using them.”

Adam swallowed the rest of his bread. He followed Nigel's gaze toward the refrigerator and was about to comment, then Nigel clarified. "You are right. It would be impractical to put Saturn and Jupiter back into the oven," he said with a grin, which slowly morphed into a frown. "Did you try to put a pacifier in my mouth last night?"

Nigel’s grin faded. He sighed, face red. “Not my best fucking moment,” he muttered. “I was very,  _ very _ drunk, darling. Drunk enough to shove extremely flammable items into the oven.” He didn’t even know where the damn thing had gone. Otherwise he would have thrown it out by now. 

"Oh ok," Adam breathed, relieved. "I dislike having foreign objects inserted into my mouth. If you  _ want _ to insert something into my mouth at random, I would prefer your cock."

Nigel buried his face in his hands. Adam’s blunt manner of speech was occasionally difficult for him to handle. “I promise, I’m not going to put  _ anything  _ in your mouth without asking. Especially not my cock.”

"Okay. But if you  _ wanted _ to, I wouldn't be opposed." Adam said, coming to a stand. The aspirin had kicked in and his stomach had somewhat settled. It was probably still a terrible idea, but now that the thought was in his head, he couldn't seem to get it out. "Like now?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 28k later they _finally_ negotiate the terms of their play. 🤣🤣🤣

Saturdays were usually their days. Nigel had worked out something with Darko that he would be free Saturdays to spend with Adam, and in return Nigel would deal with all the stocking and logistics on Monday. Adam didn't like it that Nigel had to step out for what he referred to as 'a little bit,' because he  _ knew _ it would take at the very least an hour or two. They weren't exactly  _ doing _ anything that exciting, it was just another one of those days where bread crusts offended Nigel again and Adam was going to get a non-sexual bath at the end.

Adam didn't say anything when the call came in, because Darko was usually pretty good about keeping his word and not bothering Nigel on Saturdays, that and even Adam could see that Nigel was upset enough for the both of them. He didn't  _ like _ it, but it meant that he could watch an extra hour or two if his show so it wasn't completely terrible. Besides, NASA was hosting a live stream of the International Space Station and he was enjoying the conversation in the live chat. 

Trying to get comfortable, Adam accidentally shoved his foot between the couch cushions and brushed up against something small and hard. Reaching in, he found himself staring at the pacifier Nigel had randomly placed inside his mouth that one time. They had never talked about it again, not since he had insisted that he would have preferred Nigel's cock and then went on to prove his point. Adam didn't quite see the point of the pacifier though. It was strange, but Nigel thought it was  _ cute. _ How a pacifier could be cute was beyond him, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to indulge Nigel just a little bit (not that he was around to witness it). 

What Adam found, when he put the pacifier into his mouth, was that he didn't exactly hate it. He most certainly didn't like the idea of  _ sucking _ on it, but it had a softer texture than his cup, and he was really able to sink his teeth into it. The silicone bit he was  _ supposed _ to suck on was sturdy _ and _ soft at the same time, and Adam had found that he really liked the texture of it between his teeth. He was so absorbed with chewing on the thing and the chat in the live stream that he didn't hear Nigel come home.

Nigel was feeling a bit grumpy. Saturdays were soft, lazy days. Days where Adam indulged Nigel’s eccentricities, and Nigel thanked him the next day with all the touches and kisses  _ Adam  _ preferred. They were finally learning to strike a balance, to seek out the parts they liked and the parts they didn’t care for. 

Darko interrupting that generally meant things had all gone to hell, and that turned out to be true. It had taken over an hour to untangle the mess that had been made of their supply chain, and to deal with the person who’d purposefully tangled it up. 

Nigel was feeling guilty about how long it had taken him to take care of things, so he’d stopped by the convenience store to pick up Adam’s preferred ice cream before making his way back to their apartment. 

Upon stepping into the living room, he promptly dropped the bag onto the floor. He’d never actually gotten a good look at Adam the one and only time Nigel had forced the pacifier on him. Since then, Nigel had put it out of his mind completely. And granted, Adam was  _ chewing _ rather than sucking, but the overall picture was still adorable, still entangled perfectly with that warm and fuzzy feeling. Nigel scooped the bag back up, crossing the room to place a kiss on the top of Adam’s head. “Hey, baby. I brought you a treat.”

“Ice cream?” Adam asked, perking up, the pacifier falling from his mouth. He happily took the bag from Nigel and popped the top off of the ice cream, peeling back the protective layer and licking it clean. "Nigel? I need a spoon."

Nigel nodded. “You got it, baby. Anything you want.” He was already eager to make up for being gone, and he was willing to give Adam just about anything when he indulged him. Especially without being asked. “So,” he said slowly, handing Adam the spoon and sitting beside him, “trying new things?”

Adam moved the laptop onto the coffee table and dug into the ice cream, glancing up at Nigel, eyes big and questioning as he pulled the spoon from his mouth. "No? I always chat in the live stream of the ISS. And this is the same ice cream I always get, you should know.  _ You bought it _ ." 

Nigel plucked the fallen pacifier from the couch, dusting it off and holding it up with a raised eyebrow. “I thought we weren’t trying this? You didn’t seem thrilled with it the last time it came up.”

"Oh, that." Adam shoved another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. He hadn't been thinking anything when he decided to chew on the pacifier, just that it was there. "I wasn't thrilled with you shoving foreign objects into my mouth while I was sleeping. Not that I can understand _ why _ you would want me to use a pacifier, but I liked the texture of it when I was chewing on it. It's not as hard as the cup, which is nice, but it's not soft either," he said with a shrug. "I'm open to using it when I need something to chew on."

Right. No more foreign objects when sleeping. Nigel nodded. “Sometimes I do things just because I want to,” he explained, since Adam had refused to accept ‘cute’ as a reason. “I would  _ love _ to see you use it more. I would also love a cuddle and a bite of that ice cream.”

Adam glanced between Nigel and his ice cream for a moment, before settling down against him, reluctant to turn over his spoon. "A bite," he said handing over the ice cream and grabbing his laptop again. "The satellite is going to pass overhead soon, I would like to go see it."

Nigel took a small bite, knowing better than to tease. Passing the ice cream back, he wrapped his arm around Adam’s waist. “Sure, baby. We can set your telescope up on the balcony. Anything else cool in the sky right now?”

"Yes," Adam said taking another bite of ice cream, pausing to exit the chat and sign off. "About four thousand five hundred some-odd stars with the naked eye, Jupiter, and about a hundred million with my Schmidt-Cassegrain. Even some deep space objects like Messier 52. But I just really want to see the ISS pass by. I should wear my suit."

“Sounds like a plan.” Nigel’s phone began to buzz and he glared at it. “Ah, fuck. Baby, you go ahead and get into your suit. I have to go tear Darko a new asshole. He knows how to manage things by himself. I’ll be right back.”

Adam frowned as he followed Nigel out of the room, dropping by the kitchen to deposit the ice cream into the freezer before heading towards the bedroom. It had been awhile since he last wore the spacesuit, in fact he can't remember the last time he put it on just to put it on. He liked it. The heaviness of it around him, like a hug from Nigel or being wrapped up in his blanket. Grabbing the suit, ue pulled it on and grabbed his telescope, making his way out onto their large balcony.

The weather was perfect for stargazing. It was a clear night sky, just brisk enough for him to not overheat in the suit. Then again, Adam had found that in California, no matter what time of year, the weather was always perfect for stargazing. Especially down in Southern California. The desert systems really worked in his favor. That coupled with the fact that their new place was tucked far north enough in town, as close to the entrance to the Angeles Crest Highway as they could get before going up the mountain, the light pollution was not  _ that _ big of an issue. They had talked about getting a place up in the Ponderosa area, but Adam hated the drive even though the dark skies were worth it. 

Adam frowned, adjusting the telescope as best as he could, but unfortunately the tree out front still obstructed his view no matter what he did. That coupled with the fact that the balcony wasn’t the most stable, sending vibrations through the telescope with every movement, it was going to be a loss cause. With a sigh he packed the telescope back into its case and looked up. The roof wasn't going to be ideal either, but it  _ should _ be slightly better than the balcony. 

Calculating the distance between the ledge and the lip of the roof, Adam concluded that he  _ should _ be able to pull himself up. Deciding, he snapped the telescope to his suit and anchored himself to the railing before climbing up onto the ledge. He should be okay, this wasn’t any worse than the time he tried to clean Beth’s windows. Although, that time he had been anchored to the roof and was climbing down and this time he was attempting to climb up. Either way, he should be fine if he were to fall.

It took longer than it should have to shut Darko up, with Nigel getting more and more irritated. He knew they’d had a serious breach in security, but the weekend was supposed to be  _ his  _ time. He felt like his whole damn life was devoted to the business, and retirement was still a long way off, if death didn’t catch him first. 

When he finally hung up and went back to the living room, Adam was nowhere to be seen. Figuring he’d likely gotten tired of waiting, Nigel poked his head out onto the balcony and swore loudly. 

“What the  _ fuck _ do you think you’re doing? Get down from there!” Heart racing in his chest, Nigel grabbed for Adam’s waist and hauled him off the sidewall. 

Adam yelped, arms flailing as Nigel cursed and pulled him off the ledge. He stumbled onto his feet, the weight of the telescope throwing his balance off and landed roughly onto the floor, dragging Nigel down with him. "Ouch," Adam winced, unclipping the telescope from the suit and putting it off to the side, rubbing at his thigh. They had landed awkwardly, with Adam mostly sprawled on top of Nigel and his thigh breaking the fall of the telescope. It was going to bruise. Bloom green and yellow and probably spread over a large section of his thigh. Thankfully he had the suit on, otherwise he'd be in a lot more pain. "I had it under control, Nigel!" Adam exclaimed, untangling them from the rope and unclipping himself before pushing himself off of Nigel and scrambling to his feet, all the while glaring down at Nigel.

Nigel didn’t even know where to begin. Climbing the building was terrifying enough, but in a heavy, bulky suit that wasn’t designed with Earth’s gravity in mind? He felt nauseous just thinking about it. “Inside,” he snapped, herding Adam into the apartment. 

Nigel was acting more on terrified instinct than anything else, horrified worry for his husband wrapping up his stomach in tight knots. “Where do I even… what were you  _ thinking?”  _ Before Adam could answer, before Nigel could even think things through, Nigel turned Adam towards a corner and nudged him into it. “Just. Just go stand there.” Even just for five minutes so Nigel could get his breathing under control again. 

Adam froze. He blinked back at Nigel trying to contain the anger bubbling up inside of him. Nigel sounded  _ just _ like Beth used to. When she would throw words like " _ what were you thinking?" _ at him. Words he hated hearing because he had  _ always _ thought things through before he did them. Like now. He had a plan. He was  _ safe. _ The suit was rated for three thousand pounds and it wasn't like he  _ hadn't _ climbed up to the roof before. Nigel pulling him  _ off _ was what threw his balance, made him fall. 

Nigel had been different. He thought Nigel  _ was _ different. That this was all a game. It was  _ supposed _ to be a game. Nigel had insisted it was a game. That he didn't _ actually _ believe that Adam was a child. "No!" Adam shot back. He didn't _ have _ to listen to Nigel, because he  _ wasn't _ a child, and he could do whatever he wanted. "I'm going stargazing," he said, turning around to go back outside and collect his telescope.

Nigel blocked his path, frustrated. “Where do you think you’re going?” He asked, “Do you have any idea how irresponsible that was? How  _ dangerous _ ? That suit is made to protect you from the atmosphere,  _ not _ to go wall-climbing!” Nigel ran a hand through his own hair, tugging at the strands, feeling actual anger fill him up now that the fear was starting to die down. “That is  _ not _ a survivable fall, Adam!”

"Nigel, please move," Adam said as calmly as he could. "I had everything under control. I was  _ fine _ until  _ you _ pulled me off balance. I was anchored. If I could climb  _ down _ the side of an apartment building, climbing  _ up _ wouldn't have been much different. I'm not a  _ child, _ Nigel, despite what you seem to think."

“Climbing  _ down  _ wasn’t the safest thing you’ve ever done, either,” Nigel insisted, “and I don’t think you’re a child! I think you’re an adult who did something  _ incredibly  _ reckless and dangerous and… and you could have at  _ least _ said something to me so I could help brace you. Not because you’re a  _ child _ but because you’re my  _ husband _ and I care about you and the possibility of your  _ death.” _

"I'm not going to  _ die, _ Nigel. I mean, I am, at some point. I could die from literally anything. I could get hit by a car crossing the street tomorrow, but I wouldn't have died if I fell just now. At most I would break an arm or a leg or a rib, but I wouldn't have  _ died. _ I was properly anchored, the rope would have held my weight." Adam didn't want to have this discussion right now. He didn't want to argue about the  _ possibility _ of his  _ death, _ not when Nigel exposed himself to odds far worse every time  _ he _ left for  _ work. _ It wasn't fair that Nigel would be so concerned about  _ his _ life when he barely gave a damn about his own. 

"Nigel, I need you to move," Adam said, frustrated, as he tried to nice around Nigel again to get back out onto the balcony. "I need to get my telescope."

Nigel moved, still seething. “You don’t know that! You’re not some rock climbing expert and we don’t have the right equipment for that. It’s a  _ spacesuit,  _ Adam, it wasn’t built to dangle you from our balcony. And even professionals have someone to spot them!”

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," Adam repeated picking up the telescope. "The ISS will be passing by again in about half an hour since I just missed this pass, and I don't want to wait another hour."

Nigel threw up his hands. “If that’s more important to you, then fine. Go.” He needed a cigarette. He needed six cigarettes. He possibly needed to punch some things, or some people, but he’d been working on being better about that since meeting Adam. He hadn’t hit anybody in a non-work-related capacity in months. 

Sometimes, try as he might, Adam simply couldn't understand Nigel. This was one of those times. Nigel was angry. Hell,  _ Adam _ was angry, but for very different reasons than Nigel. Adam actually couldn't understand  _ why _ Nigel was so angry, but it wasn't worth the argument. Arguments like these just go on and on forever, and Adam didn't want to fight with Nigel right now. Adam wanted to look at the stars with Nigel. Adam wanted Nigel to hold him as they looked through the telescope and he could point out the ISS, and maybe if they were lucky, catch a glimpse of Messier 52.  _ Nigel _ wanted him to  _ go _ though.

"Okay," Adam said, turning toward the door. If he was lucky, the hatch to the roof would be unlocked, and he would be able to set up and catch the ISS in time. If not, he supposed he could always try to find Messier 52 or make his way to a more stable location and revisit the ISS when it passed by again. 

There were moments when Nigel wished Adam would know what he meant, just on instinct. Those moments were few and far between, and he always felt guilty immediately. He would never change anything about Adam, because there was nothing wrong with Adam. But sometimes a person’s instinctive angry thought was not their finest moment. 

“I don’t  _ want _ you to leave,” Nigel called after him, “I want you to stay here and discuss this. I want you to take my concerns seriously instead of just brushing them off. I just meant… nevermind.” It was a stupid expression, and ‘if stars are more important than I am’ was a phrase that could only lead to hurt feelings and more fighting. 

"I already told you," Adam said, frustrated. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." A part of him wanted to stay, because Nigel didn't  _ want _ him to leave, but Nigel also told him to go. He was not going to stay and be forced into a conversation he didn't want to have. He would have liked it if Nigel came with him, but the words died in his throat as the door closed behind him.

“That’s not how relationships  _ work! _ ” Nigel shouted after him. He swore loudly when the door shut, kicking out at the coffee table and sending it skidding across the floor, leaving a grazed line in the finish of their wood floor. So there was another fucking thing Nigel had to fix. 

Well, fine. Adam could go off and do his own thing, and Nigel would do his. Nigel’s thing was largely chainsmoking and drinking, but anyone who said hobbies had to be healthy could piss off. Nigel grabbed his ashtray and sat moodily out on the balcony, glaring up at the stars like they had personally wronged him.

Adam was lucky, the roof was open, and it didn't take him long to set up. The stars were wonderful, the way they always were. Steady and constant,  _ predictable,  _ unlike Nigel. In another ten minutes or so the ISS would be passing by, and Adam had wanted to share it with Nigel. He wanted to share  _ everything _ with Nigel, he had vowed to share his  _ life _ with Nigel. Nigel should be up here with him. Holding him as he tweaked his finder to zone in on the exact spot he wanted. It felt wrong, being up here, doing something he  _ loved _ without Nigel, but he was still angry. Angry that Nigel was treating him like a child. That Nigel didn’t have the confidence in him to ascertain his own level of safety. 

With a huff Adam dropped down onto the floor, abandoning the telescope to stare up at the sky with his naked eyes. His hands were shaking too much to properly focus the telescope. He really should just dismantle the thing and go back inside. To go back to Nigel. But he  _ didn’t _ want to have that conversation. He didn’t want to have to explain himself, because he  _ shouldn’t _ have to. He was an adult who made a decision after taking the necessary precautions, and it wasn’t like this would have been the  _ first  _ time he’d climbed up onto the roof. Wrapping his arms around his legs he tucked his knees under his chin and let out a sob. He wanted Nigel. He just wanted the night to go back to normal. But Nigel was angry at him, and he was angry at Nigel, and even the stars have lost their allure.

Nigel was halfway to drunk when he finally gave up on the vodka, disgusted with himself. This wasn’t something he  _ did  _ at home. He might go out with Darko, or even with Adam, and he hadn’t yet managed to curb his smoking habit, but he usually stuck to a single shot if he was that desperate. 

Now he was down half a pack and a good chunk of quality vodka in mere minutes, and he didn’t feel any better. Nigel viciously stabbed out his cigarette and leaned back, closing his eyes. 

Under the sound of cars, the ambient noise of the night, Nigel heard a sound that shouldn't have been there. A sound that would always call to him. Nigel opened his eyes, staring up at the edge of the roof, just a few feet above his head. “Ah, fuck.”

Nigel wasn’t sure that “half-drunk idiot” was the sort of comfort Adam needed right now, but he found the door to the roof anyway, breaking just a little bit further when he found Adam. 

Adam turned at the sound of the door closing, ready to pack up and leave before his eyes fell on Nigel. Swiping at the tears on his face he scrambled to his feet, the bulk of the spacesuit making his movements awkward. "Nigel," he managed to choke out, fresh tears blooming in his eyes.

“Darling,” Nigel said, face pained. He’d always been a man who loved to fight, but never with a lover. Never with Adam. He tugged Adam into his arms, as close as they could be with the suit between them. He pressed his lips against Adam’s temple, hushing him. “It’s alright, Adam. It’ll be alright.”

Adam wrapped his arms around Nigel, burying his face in the crook of his neck. "I missed the ISS. I couldn't focus the telescope. It didn't feel right, stargazing without you."

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Nigel ran his fingers through Adam’s hair, scratching gently at the nape of his neck. No doubt he reeked of smoke. Maybe he could get Adam into the bath after this, curled up together in soothing water the way Adam liked. “I didn’t want to make you miss it.”

"You didn't make me miss it," Adam mumbled against him, trying very hard to ignore the smell of cigarettes and vodka. "I could have seen it, but it didn't feel  _ right. _ It wouldn't have  _ been _ right. Not without you. It just would have felt,  _ lonely." _

Nigel swayed gently, though the bulk of the suit made it difficult to cuddle Adam as thoroughly as he would have liked to. “Come back into the apartment, darling. I don’t want you to be alone. Let me take care of you.”

"Can we stay for just a little bit? I really do want to see the ISS, and maybe see if I could find the Heart and Soul Nebula. There might be too much light here for that though, as the Heart is really faint." Adam wanted Nigel, and the stars, but mostly Nigel  _ and _ the stars, not seperate. 

“Alright, sweetheart, anything you want.” Nigel needed to let the alcohol wear off anyway. He let Adam set up the telescope, settling in on the roof to let Adam explain things to him, to curl up in Nigel’s lap and get excited. 

Adam happily settled in on Nigel’s lap, bringing the tripod down so he could make his adjustments snug in the safety of Nigel’s arms. It was much easier to find the objects he was trying to find, when his hands weren’t shaking. Nigel had always been a stable force in his life, grounding him, even when he felt like the world was closing in around him, Nigel always made it better. “This is Messier 52, Nigel, a magnitude +7.2 open cluster with some two hundred some-odd stars spread across thirteen arc minutes of apparent sky. It is one of the easily viewed deep sky objects due to its proximity and luminosity.” Adam sighed, leaning back into Nigel, the suit making it hard for him to get as close as he wanted to. “Nigel, were you scared? When you saw me climbing up onto the roof, were you scared?”

Nigel hesitated. He tried to rub his hand soothingly over Adam’s stomach, but was largely unsuccessful. He settled for placing a soft kiss to Adam’s temple. “Yeah, darling,” he said slowly, cautious with Adam’s mood and the fragile peace they’d found, “yeah, I was terrified. Seeing you up there like that, felt like the whole damn world stopped turning.”

"Oh." Adam shifted, twining his fingers with Nigel's. When he took a moment to step out of himself, to try to see the situation through Nigel's eyes, he could see it. He probably would have been terrified too, if he had walked out on Nigel trying to scale the building, regardless of how prepared Nigel had been. "I'm sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but in hindsight I can see why you were angry. It probably wasn't the best idea at the time, I don't know what I was thinking."

Nigel smiled fondly. “Not sure you  _ were _ thinking, honestly.” He’d been suspecting it for a while now, but this particular bout of recklessness had really sold him on it. “You get a little bit… silly, when we play, sweetheart. And I mean that in a good way. You’ve been doing it to indulge me, but you’re getting into it too. Playing the role without realizing it.”

"I don't know what you're talking about," Adam groused, bristling slightly. "I don't  _ get into _ it. I don't _ play a role,  _ I just… I'm just me, and I'm  _ not _ a  _ child, _ Nigel."

“I know you’re not a child,” Nigel said soothingly, “but when we’re playing that game, it’s easy for you to relax. Let go a little and let me be the- let me handle all the adult things,” he hastily amended. “You can do things like stick your toys in the freezer because you know I’m just going to go with it. I’m not going to laugh or tell you you can’t. I’m just going to let you play, and play along with you. You don’t need to be a child to enjoy this, Adam. After all, I’m not anybody’s father, am I?”

"Are you not?" Adam asked, pushing off of Nigel and standing abruptly. He had been okay with most of the things he did with Nigel. Even the more  _ childish  _ things like the sippy cup, because it was  _ functional,  _ and Nigel had never actually treated him like a  _ child, _ until tonight. Nigel might have bought him toys, and had a vendetta against bread crust, but he had never been  _ demeaning. _ “You tried to put me in  _ time out, _ like you were reprimanding a  _ child _ and not an adult.”

Nigel did  _ not _ bring up, again, that Adam had attempted to scale a building. “That’s what people do in these kinds of relationships,” he said, “people who do ageplay.” He has avoided the word ever since their first discussion about it, but that was clearly not doing him any good. “You told me you knew about it, so I just assumed… but I should have talked to you about it instead of just doing it. I won’t try that again, I promise. I know you’re not a child. I just think that you let go when we do this. You think differently. So do I.”

"I don't-" Adam began to protest, but stopped. Maybe he did. Nigel had a point about the planets and the freezer. Normally, he would never think to shove a plush toy into the freezer, let alone two large ones. And if he had been thinking normally, he probably wouldn't have attempted to scale the building, especially considering the fact that the roof access was  _ right there. _ "Oh," he conceded, dropping back down onto Nigel's lap. "I never realized.”

“I figured,” Nigel said with a shrug, wrapping his arms tight around Adam’s middle again, “it never seemed important enough to point out. You were happy, and I was happy because of that. But sometimes I get overexcited and overstep my boundaries, and I’m sorry about that.” Thinking it over, Nigel sighed and forced himself to say it. “We should probably sit down and talk about  _ exactly  _ what we will and won’t do during play. Make sure we’re on the same page. No more surprises.”

"Okay," Adam agreed. "No more surprises." He paused and thought for a moment, running through all the things they've tried so far. "I am okay with the holding and the rocking and any form of physical contact with you. I like the Legos and am generally okay with the toys. I am okay with the eating in your lap, although I generally don't prefer to eat in the living room. I like the baths and the reading. I don't know how I feel about the pacifier, but I don't like you inserting foreign objects into my mouth without my consent. I do  _ not _ like the idea of time outs or punishments in general, if I do something out of line again, I'd prefer it if we stopped and handled it like adults."

Nigel nodded along thoughtfully. “I always want to hold you, so that’s good,” he said, giving Adam a squeeze for emphasis. “We could do meals in the dining room and snacks in the living room, if that would be better for you? I don’t think we’ll both fit in those chairs. The pacifier will be entirely up to you. If you want to throw it out, you can. And if you slip far enough that you’re doing things like climbing buildings, we can take a break.”

Nigel tilted his head back to look at the stars, his cheeks red. He might as well ask. He’d put it off long enough. “What are my chances of getting you to call me ‘Daddy?’ Even just once in a while.”

"You want me to call you Daddy?" Adam asked, perplexed. It didn't make any sense to him, Nigel was not his father. He didn't want Nigel to be his father, but Nigel probably didn't mean it in that context. Nigel liked pet names and terms of endearment. Nigel called him things like baby and gorgeous and darling and angel and on occasion star and cosmo. He was none of those things, but those were words Nigel used in reference for him. If Nigel wanted him to call him 'Daddy,' he supposed he could try. "Okay, Ni-  _ Daddy," _ Adam said, the word feeling strange and foreign in his tongue.

Nigel stifled a grin, hiding his smile against Adam’s temple. “Not all the time, angel. Just once in a while, when we play. Don’t think I could handle never hearing you say my name the way you do.”

Adam nodded, shifting so the ring of his suit wouldn't dig into Nigel and frowned. "I would like to take the suit off now, _Daddy_."

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to anyone who can figure out the title. Ish will legit send you a spacedogs gift lol


End file.
